Like A Supernova

Chapter 11: A Trip Down Memories

"I really was another person long ago, and I couldn't be more grateful that I changed so much in these past 2 years."

That was what I wrote on one page of a lost diary I had while on therapy.
I was down there for...quite a while actually, I remember how during those times I would turn to do things that looking back now...I really can't imagine doing.

For a little sneak peek, there were drugs, a lot more alcohol and many fights.

I was a punk, a stupid kid who thought that the world was his, and I "showed" this by becoming the bully of the school.
I had this kind of popularity around my figure, mainly because of the fear I instilled on the kids I beat up, also because I just didn't care about authority, like that of the teachers.

I...don't have the justification for how I was acting, I also don't want to put it on my parents, who where always away because of work.
I don't have the courage to face those I bullied in the past, and I know...I'm a coward for that.

But one thing I want to say is...in the midst of all this, I did find someone who could bear with my temper and presence.

A girl.

A girl I held close like a princess, and with her close, I always tried to be...a somewhat decent human being.
Her name was...fuck. I can't remember it now. And maybe, just maybe, that's actually something good for me.

We were together for quite a while actually, almost 2 years, if you can call it a while.
Anyways, we were completely in sync, and she was the reason that I started to treat better all the people around me, same thing with Ethan, who was my best friend since I was a little kid.
It's a bit cliché, I know, but we were inseparable, I was madly in love with her, and she was the sun to my soul. I loved everything of her, from the smile down to the way she could make me smile every time she looked at me.

That period of time was so important for my initial change. I was starting to go better in my academics, I tried to make amends with some people and although some didn't (understandably) forgave me, some did. I was finally able to get my life together.

And then, suddenly, all became crashing down, as the weight of my past actions started to drop on my shoulders and destroy me.

I was jumped, and beaten to a pulp by a couple of guys that were planning to get revenge, and I deserved it completely. Ethan and Her always told me to stop being such a loser, but I didn't listen to them, and that's what I got.
I got out of the hospital after a week, with bandages around my right arm and with a broken leg still, but I was starting to notice how...how everything was going to go downhill.

She began to get distant, cold, and that smile now was completely faded and shattered; months passed and I tried everything, but it didn't change nor help the situation.

Until that day.

I was determined to get us out of that situation, so I picked up my keys, my phone, my fragile ego and I walked to her place, and I knocked on that door.

I waited, I waited a lot...but no answer.

So I tried opening the door, and a short, but loud moan sounded inside the house, and it came right from her room.

It couldn't be...right?

I slammed the front door open and I ran inside, making my way to the room, and when I got there, I saw three guys there...and her.
Naked, on top of the bed, fucking like rabbits.

Before you say anything, I know. Maybe it was karma for how I treated people, and yeah, I kinda respect how someone could tell me this.
But I never...never treated her wrong. I never hurt her, I never tried to cheat, I never fucking did something to make her do this...and yet.

After that...all is a blur.

I don't remember exactly what happened, I just know that when I came back together, I was sitting alone in a park, my hands full of blood, and my mind completely empty.

That...was the moment when I knew...my life was ruined.

They didn't press charges, apparently because I defended myself against them, but I couldn't care less. I was just a husk, a shell walking around with nothing inside of it. And that's when the drugs and alcohol came into the picture, and that's when I slit my wrists one night, inside the bathroom of my apartment.

By some God forsaken miracle, Ethan was coming inside the house to check up on me, and found my body inside the bathtub slumped over, blood spilling everywhere.

He saved my life, and I'll always remember it.

I only have fragments inside my head of that incident. Moments of silence, while my blurred vision saw plenty of doctors and nurses running around, while Ethan's eyes were full of tears, while his mouth opened and closed, words exiting but not reaching me.

And that...was 1 year, 7 months and 13 days ago.

I somehow managed to live, and after this, I still can't tell how much my life changed. I transferred cities, I got enrolled into a college that is not bad, and I finally got sober completely from drugs, although I still have the habit of smoking cigarettes.

But hey, it's a progress...right?

Another thing.

One day, when I was still in the hospital after the incident, a girl came by into my room, and started to talk to my mother, laughing a little before eventually asking her how I was.
And somehow...I managed to catch a glimpse of the answer she gave that girl. A single phrase that I managed to hear, before falling asleep.

"Oh Carol, he's doing a bit better-"