The Classroom of Youth

Prologue part 2: The Secret

~Yuna~

I wasn't always like this from the start. I was more optimistic and easygoing when I was younger. Everything was like flowers and sunshine.

Until I joined middle school.

I thought it was going to be the best thing in my life. But it seems like I wasn't able to see the downfall of the high mountain of life I had been climbing so easily.

Everything became too real, suddenly. Why I'm studying. What I'm studying for. Not only that, my parents also became serious about my education. They always reminded me of universities and future careers. 90 points on a test, or every test is not enough for them. I need to get 100. I need to keep the 100. I need to stay perfect.

"Mom, can I not go to school today?" I asked, desperately. They say sleep makes you feel better, but apparently, not for me. I didn't even have the strength to hold my body.

My mom didn't even look at me, and kept on making some scrambled eggs.

"Mom?"

Mom finally sighed. "I can hear you loud and clear, Yuna."

"I'm sorry," I apologized, not being able to look into her icy, unfeeling eyes. One look and I'll certainly start crying.

"What is your reason why you don't want to go to school?" She glared.

"I-I don't feel well, mom..." just then, my stomach gave a hard churn and I continued, "my-my stomach. It really,really hurts, mom...I'm not-I'm not lying or anything."

"If it's just a stomach ache, then it'll be better once you go to the bathroom at school or something." My mom told me, not changing her expression even one bit.

"And besides, if you just go to the nurse's office and lie down for a bit I just KNOW you'll feel better. You should know more than anybody else that you can't miss even one day of school. Now go change."

Reading the room that this conversation is getting nowhere, I turned back to my room.

Why doesn't she get it? It's not that I don't want to go to school, I can't. It's not that I'm sick, or that I'm being bullied. I just can't. Why doesn't she understand me?

Back in my room, I stared at my uniform. A white, long sleeved shirt, a black ribbon, a charcoal gray sweater and a long cloudy colored skirt.

What is the reason I'm wearing this everyday?

I have a secret. It is something I have been keeping in my heart for a long time.

I want to be a K-POP idol.

Even thinking about it is embarrassing. I know the best that I'm inexperienced, unskilled, and nearly impossible. If I waste my teen life trying to pursue it, and if I fail... I can waste my whole life.

But this dream isn't like any of the ones I've had in the past. I just can't help but admire the way my idols chase their dreams and work so hard for their fans and goals even in hard times. I really wish I could do the same and lead a fulfilling life, full of challenges, failures, and successes.

And... if only my parents noticed what I really want.

Would they still prepare me for things I don't even want to do?

I know I would have to give up one day, and lead a normal life. Normal job, no passion, no excitement. Every time I look at new K-POP idols, I would have to hold back my tears and tell myself,

'It could have been me.'

I'm so scared to face this. Sometimes, I just want to...end it all...so that I don't have to.

Studying hard like I've always been and getting a normal, decent job would be easier than all these struggles. I'm lost in the deepest, darkest dawn, but seeing the bright sunrise of success sounds so tempting. So I can't give up. Not yet. I want to rely on the tiny hope that I would become a K-POP idol and inspire many people just like they did to me.