Dearest Husband

PART THREE, 1. My 'better half'

In the Name of Allaah the Most Gracious the Most Merciful

  ...Who with His infinite Wisdom binds two souls in a most sacred and unique relationship 'till eternity

Beautiful Peace and Cherished blessings of Allaah SWT be upon His beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW, his blessed descendants and noble companions.
  - Aameen

1. My 'better half'

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

 And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between (your hearts) love and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.  

Alhamdulillaah it has been five months since my marriage and often it had occurred to me that my husband is better than me, especially, better to me – in the way he treats me. I guess that's why one's spouse is known as our better half. Kindness for me, he seems to have in abundance Alhamdulillaah. 'Oh that's because you are a newlywed couple,' dryly comments my more experienced sister; she has been married for two years now.

I let it go and continue to pray that our love be like the love of Nabi SAW and Kadhija r.a. until  our last breathe Aameen. My Didi --even though her remarks are sometimes sarcastic, deeply respects and loves bhaijaan (her husband) and has usually agreed that he's good to her. And for that Allaah be Praised. For I don't think he's a romantic guy; usually, I mean, in reality, guys are mostly practical and unromantic. So my sister has said all these days. 

And that's why she had criticized the love plot of IYL, 'what you have written Gudi, it's not reality. When you get married, you'll know what I'm speaking. For men, dear sister, are obtuse to romance. They don't act the way it's shown in those romantic books! It would be better to burn them all for giving us girls false illusions.'

Yet I wonder whether she has forgotten how our beloved Prophet SAW loved Ayesha r.a., he SAW was indeed romantic too! And Didi dearest, you have of course been a witness to the most beautiful love --the love of our parents for each other. Sure, there has been so many tests and trials, yet you cannot help but see the love they have for each other shining through every problem. May Allaah SWT grant them both the highest of Paradise! Aameen. 

What is Romance really? The dictionary says it is the feeling of mystery, glamour, excitement etc, associated with love... which is all true in a newlywed couple, but it soon wears off. So what is Love then? For me, it's the opposite of all the above. In Love, you share and try to learn everything about each other so that there's no mystery left; In Love, they see the real you minus all the glamour; In Love, you feel tranquil with them, trusting, praying and knowing with certainty that they will back you up at your lowest, no matter what.

My husband sometimes utters fervently, 'Alhamdulillaah for Nikah Alhamdulillaah for Nikah!' and I agree with him wholeheartedly. For before marriage, you may love and indulge in activities beyond the line how much ever you want (if you do not fear Allaah 'Az wa Jal), yet the peace and closeness that a married couple experiences can never be felt through sin, through angering your Rabb, Allaah SWT.

But I was speaking about romance. Let me say this. My husband (Glory be to my Rahman) is one of those rare romantic guys out there. He's more romantic than me – and that's saying something. And he has Alhamdulillaah, a great sense of humour. In fact, my whole in laws (we are a large family) is subjected to this wonderful flaw. Once in a month we go to my mother's home, and there in my old room when we are lying on the bed, he pulls me closer and then exclaims horrified, 'Woman, have you no shame lying like this with a man! What will your father say if he sees you now?' For answer, I could not stop my giggles; and thankfully my Abbu never saw me lying like that with this 'man'.

All I want to say is, patience is the key. And that too 'Sabrun Jameel' --beautiful patience. Plus, loads and tons of heartfelt Duas. Trust me, we Muslim girls and guys do not date, do not chat unnecessarily with Na-mehrams from the fear and love of Allaah SWT. So, it's mighty difficult for us out there and in homes too (fitnah of cell phones!), but persevere patiently for Ar Rahman's sake. And put a list of the things that you want in your spouse and ask them, ask them repeatedly and most sincerely to the Only King Who is capable of granting them. Because I know, I know how it was to wait and wait for all those months, or years (if you ask my husband) to lawfully talk, do and be all the things with your dear beloved.    

I and my husband never spoke or saw each other before marriage; we met in person for the first time after our Nikah Alhamdulillaah, though I admit our families exchanged photos after our engagement. But what I wanted to say was, every single quality that I prayed and prayed for in my spouse, Allaah SWT bestowed me. Actually, he's much better than me, especially better to me, as I said in the beginning. I know, I know, Alhamdulillaahi Rabbil 'Alameen. And my husband says, 'Allaah SWT answered my prayers more than yours. Because I got a pious wife like I asked for, and you are stuck with a sinner like me.'

See, I told you he's better. 'My better half'. Alhamdulillaah. 

هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ 

  They are Libas [i.e. body cover, or screen, or Sakan, (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with her), for you and you are the same for them.  

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