Dearest Husband

7. Lessons from my Marriage (Part 2)

In the Name of Allaah Who Answers Duas and Who understands Best

Beautiful Peace and Cherished blessings of Allaah SWT be upon His beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW, his blessed descendants and noble companions.
- Aameen

Lessons from my Marriage (Part 2)

When Abbu started looking for me a prospective groom, I already had a checklist of Duas regarding my future husband that I asked after every Salah without fail. It went something like this, ya Rahman my husband should be good natured, should fear Thee, must have a good sense of humour, should be loving and supportive... and finally, make him for me and me for him a means to become closer to Thee.

Yes I forgot to add that he should be a lover of books too. Silly me; anyways, I'm content now with how he is Alhamdulillaah.

"Add good in-laws to it," my Didi had advised when she heard about my list. Knowing well that her in-laws are a great trial for her, I asked Allaah SWT for kind and understanding in-laws who feared Him. One of my other important points was that they should not be people who indulged in rasm o riwaaj (cultural rites and rituals which are not found in Islaam). It is normal in the society here to follow all these unnecessary things which complicate our whole life, while Islam teaches us ease and moderation.

Though it took some years and many more tears, Alhamdulillaahi Rabbil 'Alameen, He the Most Beautiful granted me all of my Duas and more than that. What would I do without Thee ya Rabbi?

When my husband sometimes says, 'Do you know what my Rahman did for me today?' it gives me such a fuzzy wonderful feeling hearing him talk about Ar Rahman. It's easy for me to love others, they just have to praise Ar Rahman loads. Something just melts inside me and I grin like crazy...

Sometimes my husband reminds me of Saif but mostly of Ahmed from my Eternal Ishq series. He is the comedian of his family yet he is also short tempered. His bark is worse than his bite and my in-laws being familiar with it don't mind much. Even though his words towards others would veer now and then to rudeness, he regrets them after (but sometimes he doesn't; he's convinced that those people deserved his hard words!). 

And it's going to be three years of our marriage Alhamdulillaah and I'll say this of him that he has never once uttered a crude word to me, and his behaviour too is impeccable, always treating me with much kindness, all Praise is to Thee alone my Rahman.

So much so he reminds me of Prophet Salallaahu Alaihi wa Sallam's Hadith.

He Nabi SAW said: "The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; Ibn Maajah, 1977;

So I say to others too, do lots of Dua to Allaah SWT asking for goodness from your spouse and love and tranquillity in your marriage. Allah SWT would definitely fulfil them in shaa Allaah, don't doubt in His Power and Magnificence. So my husband Alhamdulillaah becomes my anchor at times, he helps me deal with problems –big or small, to face fears that I didn't even know that I was harbouring deep inside... he heals my emotional wounds that I didn't realise that I suffered from and physically too, he is a delight Alhamdulillaah. It is fundamental for a tranquil bliss filled marriage that when it comes to physical fulfilment both should become familiar with the likes and tastes of each other and should learn to satisfy their spouse.

Not at all like what you read in romantic novels – until you both figure it out properly, it would be awkward, clumsy, leaves you unsatisfied (especially for women) but let go of the embarrassment, learn to laugh together, tell him what you desire and what you aren't comfortable with, he is not a mind reader (most women think so and there the problems arise)... be kind towards each other and to your own selves, it is after all an act of worship with the correct Niyyah. Alhamdulillaah.