Dearest Husband

5. لَا تَيْأَسُوا مِن رَّوْحِ اللَّهِ (Despair not of Allaah's soothing Mercy)

In the Name of Allaah the Best comforter the Beautiful healer

Thousands of blessings and peace of Allaah SWT be upon His beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW, his blessed descendants and noble companions.
- Aameen

لَا تَيْأَسُوا مِن رَّوْحِ اللَّهِ (Despair not of Allaah's soothing Mercy)

This is somewhat a raw account of my life, written to help others, to show that they are not alone in their struggle, that in shaa Allaah everything will be okay even though it is hard to believe it now. This is dedicated to the warrior in you that refuses to be defeated... may your Hasbi Allaah deepen evermore! Aameen.

My childhood was an odd one; but I don't remember sadness being a part of me. A sense of bewilderment perhaps, perplexed at the happenings in the adult world. Mostly, it didn't bother me and I lived in the moment, never worrying of the future or anything for that matter.

Yet as a budding teenager I remember intense shyness crippling me together with echoing thoughts of 'what'll they think of me?' and many times this has hindered me from reaching out to others, from making new friends, from offering a genuine smile... though my heart desperately wanted to.

I learnt loneliness then yet I was not sad, for those days brought me closer to my Rahman... and the joy of it is simply transcending, though at times... profoundly aching.

And of course there was my discovery of the world of books, which together with my beautiful Rabb made me live happily ever after.

So I can end; but Fate thinks otherwise and as every single family in the world has some kind of problem concerning them - a test from Allaah SWT no doubt, so ours faced one too. Marrying us girls (Didi and I) to good suitable men was a huge trail for my Abbu coz he had married twice - Ammi and step mamma. Permissible in Islam yes, but the Indian society, especially the south Indian one does not accept it. It is hugely dominated by hindu culture... and so even Muslims think it as a crime to take more than one wife.

When we were still kids, my parents separated. They aren't completely divorced nor do they live together. Our step mamma mostly raised us. The irony is, Abbu still loves Ammi - deeply and she, tries to hide yet betrays her care for him so many times. It's a long story and sharing private matters is not my motive; besides, I'm never comfortable speaking about it.

One of the most important things I've learned from their marriage is, never allow family or friends to interfere in a marital dispute. You both will fight now and then, time and again -perfectly normal, completely healthy... and if you wanna rant about it to your parents, siblings, besties, gladly do so. It's never good to keep things bottled up inside (experience speaking); but when they give advice, unless it is to make up things with your spouse, don't heed them but always always sort it out yourself with your spouse! Directly confront him/her with what's bothering you and never bring or send in a third party. They (the families) would think they're doing well -yours will take your side and vice verse, they won't see you as together... as one. And therein the problems arise. May Allaah SWT help us all and make our marriages filled with much understanding, love and tranquillity! Aameen Summa Aameen.

Coming back to the beauty of Islam and cruelty of societal norms, ever since our teens, whenever Didi and I sit in a room during family gatherings, weddings etc the women would whisper among themselves, speaking as if we do not exist, wondering whether we girls would ever get a good husband because of what our parents had done. We were judged even before we could prove our worth. Divorce wrecks everything and the parents suffer agonies yet it is always the children who've to endure more pain, caught up in a tornado of emotions... eventually becoming emotionally crippled for life. Ya Rahman, protect us all from broken marriages, with Your beautiful Mercy heal the occasional ruptures and fill the hearts with love and kindness for each other! Aameen Summa Aameen.