Alexa. (#1)

(44)

Slipping in and out of consciousness is one of the worst feelings in the world. Like, I can hear everyone talking around me but I can't actually do anything and then I fall into the oblivion slumber once again. It was so frustrating I couldn't talk with any of them. Now was like any other time, I was able to hear anything anyone wanted to say but couldn't open my eyes, I didn't even have the energy to, or move anything in my body. And it killed me to hear all the shuffling and the sound of slippery shoes gliding over the ground and not being able to actually open my eyes and tell them to stop or ask them what happened. I feel like I am in a prison, and the prison is my own body. Suddenly, I hear the door open and then close again, along with a chair scraping the floor and then a sigh.

"Hey," I hear the person say. Zach. "You've been asleep for about a day now, the doctors say that there is a slim chance you'd wake up but I don't believe that. You've been so strong this past period of time, I know you won't give up now, I know you won't. You're way too strong to go that easily." He sighs. "But, if you have to, if you're in too much pain and can't take anymore, and please God, I hope you're not in pain, and you just have to let go, then let go, know that we won't be angry with you for leaving so abruptly." His voice becomes strained. "But please, don't leave. You didn't see how Z was crying and sobbing yesterday when the doctors came and talked to us, all of us cried, hell, even Aiden let a few tears slip. We won't be able to cope with you leaving, so please, I beg of you, don't go. I-I am scared we would change after the sunshine leaves, scared that the darkness would reach us deep inside and change every single one of us, so please stay with us, okay? It's not your time, okay? I love you, Lexi, you're strong and will get through this." He says before giving my hand a squeeze and then the sound of the door opening and then closing again. And then I lose consciousness, again.

The moment I regain consciousness I hear sniffling and feel someone grasping my hand as hard as they can, my only guess is this is mom or Z.

"You can't just leave me here! Who is gonna gossip with me over Zac Efron or whatever? Who is gonna watch a teen wolf marathon with me and won't complain me squealing each and every time a boy gets shirtless? Which happened quite a lot, may I state." Yup, definitely Z. I would have laughed at her so much but I couldn't, I was a lying statue. She sniffles, cutting me from my short thoughts, and sighs. "I know you probably can't hear me, and if you are hearing me now but can't do anything I understand. But please, don't leave me here, I just met Zach and we just got together, and I can't survive without my best friend. What if he makes me sad? Who is gonna beat the shit out of him for me, huh? What if he's a cheater? What if's running through my mind like crazy. I am gonna be a wreck without you, Alexa, I may die if you don't live. I won't handle it mentally. You have to be here with me, okay? Hell, how am I gonna go to prom without you? Think about Noah, who is he gonna take to prom ad not cry at the thought that it could have been you? Please, Gray, stay here with us. I can't lose you." she says as she leans and rests her head our interlaced hands and cries for a bit. "But, if you have to go, know that I am not gonna leave your mother alone. I am gonna check on her and I have Zach and we have Noah and al. But, it won't be the same without you, Gray, it'll never be. Please, we need you. I need you." she adds before kissing my forehead and then the sound of the door opening and closing yet again. As if they are an alarm to my consciousness, I slip out of it again.

"Hey." I hear Aiden's voice say as I regain my senses. "Um, I know that I don't know you that well, but believe me when I say, from the stuff I heard, I would have been the happiest person ever to be your friend, I envy Zach till our day. I, uh, I really would like that you'd wake up. I even cried a lot when Derek came in, saying that you may or may not wake up. I really hope you'd be okay. This is the most unfair thing I have ever witnessed in the 19 years I have lived, actually. Anyways, I hope you'll be fine." He says, squeezing my hand for the last time before getting up and then the door opens.

"Is she stable?" I hear my mom say.

"Yeah, Mrs. Gray." I hear Aiden say. The door closes as the chair scraps the floor again, making me internally wince.

"Hey, sweetie. How are you now?" she says as she caresses my jaw. "I hope you're doing okay inside." she grasps my hand. "I know you are strong willed and the most stubborn person I have ever met in my life, but still, you can't leave me." her voice becomes strained at the end. "You were and still are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. When I gave birth to you, your father and I were astonished, I couldn't believe I was actually holding you. You were there, giggling and holding my fingers and smiling. After a few days when you actually opened your eyes, they were smiling, I don't know how, but they were. They were this green mixed with grey color and I fell in love with them. You were my silver lining after your father's death. You made me live. I was debating on killing myself but the mere thought of you made me halt in my movements and stop." The words break my heart. "But, I promised that I would stay strong, and I will keep my promise for you. Just, promise me to check up on me every now and then from above, okay? Don't forget me when you head to heaven, okay? I raised you, you little minx, you can't just forget me!" she says with a tiny laugh at the end. "Just know that I love you, you can leave now if you want to, I won't be angry with you." she kisses my forehead and then follows the sound of the door opening then closing. Suddenly, a dull ache of pain sounds through my chest making me internally gasp. I wait for it to go away but it stays there, making me internally frown. The door opens again and then closes as someone sighs, the chair creaks under their weight as a rough, calloused hand grasps mine. A sparkly feeling erupts through me as they caress my hand with their thumb. Noah.

"Hey, Sunshine." He begins, his voice sounding rough. "Well, this has been the worst night in my whole life, I have to say, I am not gonna sugar coat it. Derek came in and said what he said and with all what happened and I just can't even comprehend the thought that you might not wake up again and that I might not see your sunshine like eyes makes me sick to my stomach, I just," he cuts himself with a sigh as he squeezes my hand. "You have to wake up, Sunshine. I can't be without you in this miserable world, I can't wake up knowing I won't see your smile, I can't eat breakfast without remembering the day of the road trip where we had breakfast together or every time you'd look at that Reese's bar and stare at guiltily and I had to remind you every time that you are not fat. I can't live without Sunshine in my life, Alexa. I can't live without you. The tormenting I feel that I know you saved me from a certain technique of abuse and I can't save you from another one makes me depressed and worried that I might lose you in a matter of seconds if I just get lost in my thoughts." He rests his head on my stomach as the pain in my chest intensifies and starts spreading all over my body. "I beg of you, don't leave me here, I might become crazy and go back into fighting and I need you to be with me and scream at me saying that I am an idiot while slapping me. I can't do this without you. I need you with me in college. You can't leave me here." I feel my hospital gown start to get damp from the place he has his face stuffed in, is he crying? "Sunshine, I love you deeply. Please, I beg of you, stay." He says as his voice becomes strained and he sobs in my gown as the pain spreads through my whole body on many different levels of agonizing. The heart monitor beats faster and faster as I feel myself sweating and feel the pain enlarge through me. It was excruciating for me. "No, no, Alexa, stay. I NEED A NURSE HERE!" Noah says frantically as he gets up abruptly and shouts through the door. I hear footsteps rushing inside and whispers of them trying to work on me.

"Give her 10 millimeters of Morphine quick!" I hear a doctor shout as I feel a needle puncture my skin, the pain doesn't go away instead gets more and more with every single breath. I start losing feeling of my legs as my breathing comes out slowly in short pants as I can feel myself going away slowly. The pain continues to increase and increase. I lose feeling of my lower half and feel the numbing ache of pain in it. Suddenly, I feel my whole body shut off and I give out my last breath.

"NO!" I hear Noah shout.

The last thing I heard was the long beep the heart monitor gave; signaling that my heart had stopped.