Serilda

Her

Serilda

Do you know what does Serilda means?

No. Well, don't worry I will tell you. It means armoured battle maiden.

My mother named me Serilda because she wanted me to be strong, bold and be able to do big things. She had expected so many things from me but sadly I never got to do those things.

Why? I will tell you. Hear this carefully.

I have a sister, an elder one. We had a gap of four years. I had always looked up to her. She was what you say, a wild child. Always getting in troubles, fighting and running. She was the queen of herself and it had always attracted the younger me. She would tell me about what all she did over the weekend where she went and what were her future plans. She was the best sister I could have asked for. However, as I started worshipping her I started hating my parents, especially my mother.

Well the younger thirteen year's old me couldn't understand what my mother said. I hated her always trying to not let me do things, like no going out, dress properly, don't slouch, always be presentable the list can go on and on. She hated my eating gum and had punished me because of it. I couldn't understand why was she being so mean to me. My sister was allowed to do all those things when she was growing up why the hell was I not allowed. I revolted I stuck gum in her hair and called her a bitch and yelled at her that she was the worst mother ever. I know you want to hate me for that well I hated myself too. I felt bad later and when that night I went in search of her to say sorry I found her in the garden crying.

She silently wept and had cut half her hairs because of the gum I had stuck in her hair. I heard her sob and it was the most heartbreaking thing my thirteen-year-old mind had seen. I had found myself crying too. I went to her and said sorry many times but she didn't look at me. She told me to go away in her low crying voice. It broke me. I sat on my knees and cried with her. I apologised many times and told her she was the best mother, that I was the wrong one and I will never say such words again. It took me exactly three days to get her forgiveness but I had to trade the rebellious me. I had promised her that I would become the daughter she wanted me to be. I stopped looking at my sister because it hurt me to know that I won't be able to be like her. My sister went on with her life she was growing and going to parties and school. I started seeing less of her with the upcoming years but knew of the things what she did from my friends. As years went on I shielded myself in books because that was the only best thing left for me.

I didn't go out. I studied hard, went with my mother where she wanted me to. Wore the clothes she chooses for me, had my hairs as she deemed to be the best. My wishes never got to see the daylight or breathe in the air it was always her wishes that lived. I had her attention when needed and for the rest of the time, she was busy trying to get hold of my sister or trying to make her see sense. Her attention on me started to lose, well don't get happy. It wasn't like I got the reign's over my life people. It was just that my mother stopped smiling at me when I got good grades. She wasn't there for me when I gave my first dance performance, my volleyball games, it felt like I lost my mother. My parents were never there to cheer me. I had expected that from my dad but not from my mum. Why you ask?