Serilda

Chapter 36

Serilda 

We basked in the silent cries that surrounded holding onto each other. Even when our cries had died out I held onto him with my dear life. He has been my anchor in all the times I have drowned but now it was time for me to do so. He didn't let me go or let loose, he held me together as I was breaking apart for him, for me and for us. He picked me in his arms taking us to bed where in silence we looked at each other with our hands intertwined. I wanted to descend into his soul and have him fill in every purpose of my skin. My heart wanted to take away his sufferings.

"I can't lose you," I whispered with my head over his heart. Raising my head I looked through my wet lashes.

"You can't leave me," the plea of my words slipped with agony inside me with tears in my eyes. I looked at him and I couldn't think of anything else but him. Nothing mattered to me than him. I felt like our lives were intertwined as if we were two humanly bodies but one soul. We were meant to live together and die together.

"I'll not," he caressed my cheeks with a sad smile on his face. "Not willingly," he added making those unshed tears roll down my cheeks.

"What can I do?" I hoped into finding a solution as I gazed into his eyes. All my life I had desired was to be loved and when I got it the fates were ripping away him from me.

"You can hold me until it's final," he pressed his lips to my ear as I laid there hearing the rhythmic beat of his heart.

"Tell me more about it," my soul was hungry for answers.

"There isn't much to tell but I would try my best to explain," he gave me a tight smile before continuing. "It's a tumor. A few times it had affected my decision making. There is headaches and this burning sensation in my head at times that I can't get rid of. Sometimes I hate the side effects the medicines bring. They make me depressed, sad and sometimes less emotional. The doctors said that having it operated leaves me with a eighty percent chance of coming out of it with short of some memories and a fifteen percent chance with coming out of it completely fine with a little less than one percent chance of not ever coming out of it alive which the doctor says is very low. However, if I do not have it operated there is a ninety percent chance that I will fade away and out of breath within a span of five to ten years. The doctors think its progressing and would turn cancerous and I wont lie but the thought of cancer scares me. On the brighter side I would have you by my side and it all will be worth it. I would like to rather die than live a life of misery and see us in pain of me determining away," hearing those words my soul broke out. I couldn't even think about a life without him not now when I had accepted that there wasn't anyone for me besides me. The painful moan that escaped my lips as tears fogged my own vision that made him held me closer.

"It's not final, Serilda. It's the worst that could happen if I don't get it operated," the soothing tone of his couldn't calm me. It only made me cry harder.

"I might still lose you in the end, isn't it?" There wasn't anything I could choose from. I would loose him in all the cases. One way or another he would still leave me with a hole in my heart and a part of it with him. I couldn't even fathom choosing between living a life without where he didn't exist or a life where he was but didn't know me. In both the situations there wouldn't be left an us. 'US' that had begun so beautifully, halted due to hatred but once again together supporting each other. Now when it was time for 'US' to live this in days filled with love and life there weren't days left altogether. All that laid ahead was a path where there wasn't any place with us and he wanted me to choose between that. Between love and 'US'. All I wanted was an 'US' to live in our better or worse.

"Let's get married," my words were hurried and desperate. His eyes looked at me wide in astonishment.

"What did you say?" he asked.