Serilda

Chapter 30

Erik

I didn't know anything. Nothing about me. Nothing about people around me. Nothing about the love I had believed in. Looking at the waves of a secluded beach closed down due to an impending storm all I could see was myself. The tides high, angry and chaotic just like I felt from the inside. My tears of anger, regret and hopelessness mixed with the waves changing nothing. I was no longer a victim of Serilda's vindictive scheme I was a victim of my own monstrous ways.

The truth had hit me, tearing me apart like never before. It had left me with nothing not even a bitter feeling. It made me hollow, empty and with nothing. The truth had robbed me of everything destroying my world, belief, trust and even the meaning of love. The illusion of love just hasn't ripped off me, it had shattered my inner soul, my everything and my belief in everything for so long. I didn't have anything even left. Not even the sole purpose to live. I was guilty, guilty of so many things that I didn't have the courage to even look at my own hands, the hands that have helped in holding down a woman as I forced myself upon her. The hands that have abused a woman so innocent. The hands that have destroyed the hope of a naïve woman, the hands that no longer deem to even be touched by anyone.

The stormy wind hit me on the face, the waves rising and rising, calling me. They are calling me. Giving me a way out. Calling me to give me what I really deserve. In times before I would have stepped back before but now, I welcomed them. I welcomed the storm. I welcomed everything that would destroy me, kill me and end me.

Serena had robbed me off everything within minutes, from my insanity to love and regret. She had taken away everything from me and the worst past was I had let her. I had been the one who had let her do this to me. I had seen the crazy side of her and I had let it pass thinking that she was crazy for my love. I had been the one who had given her the power to destroy me and others. Puppet, I was her puppet to destroy Serilda. She had used me and the worst thing was that I had always let her. I had done everything for her in the name of love, a love that had never existed a love that had never ever been present.

I wanted to kill her, destroy her the way I thought she had me. I had done everything to hurt her and break her. All because Serena had wanted to it. I had lost my mind and she had controlled me. How blind could I have been in the name of love? How could I have lost my senses? How could I have done this? How could I have destroyed everything so good? Why couldn't I have seen through the innocence of Serilda? Why had the god let it happen? Why hadn't he showed me the right way? Why?

"Sir, I think you need to step back," some one yelled from back but I ignored them. I took every and each step as the waves called me in. They called me to wash away my sins and wash me away from this world. The waves crashed against my legs making me lose my balance for once but I didn't stop. I fell and stood up again. My steps didn't flatter. I walked and walked to abolish my sins.

"Stop," someone yelled but I didn't stop. All I could see was a way to end my life and get this world rid of me, let Serilda get rid of a monster like me. It was the least I could do for her. Tears ran down my face mixing with the sea water. The sea was calling me, mixing itself with me.

Hands wrapped around my arms and I tried to free myself from their hold. I fought them as hard as I could. I didn't want to live, I didn't deserve to. I was a monster and a bastard. I had done things that are too monstrous for my own sake. My eyes had opened today making me realise what a l had been doing. How I had been destroying everything? How I had killed a child of whom I had never even known of. A child who was there and I had never got to meet or even acknowledge. I was taking revenge for a child that never even existed and I lost the one I could have. I lost my child, love of the woman who had wanted nothing but my love. I had lost Serilda, and stole everything from her. I didn't deserve to even live, not after what I had done. I fell down as two people dragged me out of the water. The salty water invaded my nose and burned my eyes.