He Could Have Been (What He Thought He Wanted) | ✔

rue

c h a p t e r 3

"So, are you up for coming to the mall?" Etheridge asks me, as he pours some cereal in a bowl.

I decided to stay over at Etheridge's for the weekend due to the fact that there was so much I could take of my mother's behavior.

"Yeah, I guess. I was going to see if the new Skyrim was in stock at the game store anyway."

"Is Is-Su going to meet us there?" I then asks, putting on my shoes. "Or is he going to church?"

Etheridge shrugs. "I don't know. He isn't answering his phone."

Once Etheridge is done eating his cereal, and I manage to stop playing Call of Duty, we head to the mall.

Today it isn't really crowded, and I like it that way. "I'm going to be in the music store," Etheridge says to me before we go our separate ways.

As I'm heading in the direction of the game store, I see Abi Dearest and her group of friends. They're laughing, and snap chatting; their phones are out, sounding like valley girls. They're on the other side of the mall, and Abi and I are walking in separate directions. So, it's likely I wouldn't be running into her.

She looks very pretty today though. Unlike the get up she wears at school, today she is sporting a look that really brings out the beauty in her.

Even if I am just a guy noticing her from the other side of the mall.

Her hair is up, and she isn't wearing a ton of make up. She wears a graphic tee, skinny jeans, and brand name skate shoes. She looks like she should be at the skate park skateboarding or something like that. But instead she hangs out with friends, and keeps up with this façade. Even though I'm starting to know exactly who she is.

I wonder if I'll ever see that girl who talks with me over the phone?

Despite being guilty in wearing a mask and lying to her about who she is talking to, maybe she's sort of guilty. Especially if she doesn't know who exactly she is, and can't be herself around those who follow her command.

When I reach the game store, and before going in, I take one more glance at Abi and her friends.

—

Etheridge and I are now getting our grub on in the food court. A Dire Straits song plays from somewhere.

"The food is getting shittier everyday isn't it?" Etheridge asks and also spitting out a bit of the burrito from Taco Bell he just took a bite out of. "Is your chicken nuggets any good?"

"They're alright."

"So have you talked to Abi lately?"

"No." I lie.

He gives me smirk. "You have talked to her. Just tell me, have you gotten her to have phone sex with you?"

"What? Stop being an asshole."

He laughs, and holds his hands up in front of him for defense. "Chill man, I was just playin'."

I sigh, and push the container of chicken nuggets back. They had a weird aftertaste.

"Sorry Ridge, it's just, y'know," I say to my friend, "I feel a little guilty. What if one day she really does talk to the real Danny Sanderson, and he doesn't recall ever having the phone conversations?"

Etheridge laughs, and shakes his head. "I don't think that's going to be happening anytime soon." He wraps up his burrito, and sets it on the tray, apparently done with it. "I can't tell you why I think so, I just don't feel like Danny would even be competent enough to have the deep conversations you and she have."

"Honestly, I don't even think I know enough about him..."

"Fuck, Collin, I don't even fucking think Danny knows enough about himself." He gives me a crooked smile. "Fuck, does anyone exactly know themselves?"

I'm close to answering the question, when I see Abi and her followers walk into the food court. They're all still smiley, and they appear to be talking about things that are important to them; clothes, boys, reality tv, celebrity news, and the social aspect of school.

For an instant, I think I see a look of misery cross over Abi's face. But when one of her friends ask her something, she smiles again. They walk over to Starbucks.

Etheridge looks at me, shaking his head. "You really like her, don't you?"

I shrug, trying to believe my act of coyness. But Etheridge is computer smart, and he isn't convinced. "What makes you think she wouldn't give you a chance, if you did so happen get the balls to ask her out?"

"Etheridge, man, can we be done with this talk about Abi?" My voice has a smidgen of bitterness. "You're askin' a question, that has an obvious fucking answer."

He shakes his head, and nods his head to the next song that plays on the speakers of the food court. It's "Holding On to You" by Twenty-One Pilots, who have freaking sold out by the way.

I take a sip of my Mountain Dew, and find myself looking forward to me and Abi's next conversation over the phone.

—

After Etheridge drops me off at my house, which is a subdivision. I slowly make my way towards it, unsure about if my crazy-ass mom's home.

I love my mom very much, and I need her as much as it appears she needs me...but I just wish she was normal. Not off her rocker, and dressing like a character from a Tim Burton movie.

Nearing the house, I see that the car is in the drive way, and my heart sinks. She is home, and only God knows what she may be up to.

Carrying my bag from the game store, and a box with a half eaten cheesecake inside it with my other hand, I unlock the door slowly, with very little enthusiasm. Just as I'm walking inside, I see a guy come out of the kitchen.

I don't know who the guy is.

He stops in his tracks, and we both just look at each other. We wear the same face expression. "Who the fuck are you?"

He scratches his neck, and answers slowly, "I'm seeing your mother."

"So, you're like her boyfriend?"

"Pretty much."

I shrug, and walk to my room. Turning on my playstation, I grab the bag of Cheetos off of my dresser and start munching on them.