Loving you is suicide || Dazai x Reader #BSDWattys2017

❝Memory❞

I awoke in a cold sweat. My heart hammered against my sternum and my lungs begged for air. After a few moments, I regained my composure. The dull light in my bedroom appeared green because of my thick curtains. my body was soaked with sweat as well as the clothes I slept in. I place my head in my hands, remembering the dream I had.

It had been a long time since I ever thought back to my days in the Port Mafia in such detail. That was my first encounter with Dazai and it wouldn't be my last. Because of him, I learned how to control my ability and its many quirks. In the beginning, my teleportation was only by accident. At young age, I found myself suddenly being transported a short distance often at random times. The first time I ended up in the Port Mafia warehouse by living on the streets. Later, I found that if I concentrated hard enough, I could return. However, my trips consumed much of my energy and left me with a horribly sick feeling. Dazai was the one who helped me have full power over my temperamental ability. But, as a mentor, he was brutal, ruthless and unforgiving. A shiver ran down my spine as my body ached with the memory of long healed wounds, but lasting scars.

With a sigh, I stood to my feet, yawning all the way to the kitchen. Rubbing my groggy eyes, my fingers fumbled for a teacup on the counter. As I began to prepare my morning tea, I was completely unaware of the presence behind me.

"Did you have a bad dream?", a voice asked. I nearly jumped out of my skin at the realization that there was someone in my apartment. Swinging my arm back, I almost connected with a nearby cheek. Before I smacked the intruder, they gently grabbed my wrist. A familiar pair of brown eyes gleamed at me, along with a wide smirk. I growled in annoyance.

"Dazai?", I cried, punching his chest. "What the hell man?" Dazai chuckled.

"I'm sorry, (y/n).", he said softly. "I came in earlier while you were sleeping. I made you tea~" Dazai held up a cup for me to take, giving me a close eyed smile. With a frown, I took it and pressed my face into the warm steam.

"My door was locked.", I murmured, taking a sip of the bitter drink. Dazai smirked.

"Oh really?", he asked. "I wouldn't know. I climbed through the window." My eyes widened in alarm.

"We're on the fifth floor!" Dazai shrugged. I rolled my eyes, deciding to stay quiet. Leaning against the kitchen counter, I could feel Dazai's intense stare focused on me. I squirmed uncomfortably and found that I couldn't return his gaze.

"What were you dreaming about?", Dazai finally asked. "You were crying in your sleep." My cheek twitched involuntarily, as my eyes remained on my dark colored tea.

"I don't remember.", I lied. Dazai didn't look like he believed me. He set his cup down. A soft clinking echoed where the porcelain connected with the granite. Dazai slowly approached me, and placed a gentle hand on my cheek.

"I know when you're lying to me, (y/n).", Dazai whispered. I still couldn't look at him. My mind was somehow stuck in the past. Visions flooded my subconscious, all because of one dream. No, memory. Dazai must have sensed my inner conflict because he wrapped his bandaged arms around my waist. I pressed my face into his chest, breathing in his scent that always seemed to calm me down. Smooth fingertips touched my cheek as my head was lifted, forcing my eyes to meet with Dazai's. "You don't have to tell me right now., Dazai assured. "But just know that I'm here for you, (y/n)." I nodded. Checking the time, I nudged Dazai.

"We should go to the agency now, we're going to be late." Dazai frowned, obviously wanting to discuss my unconscious visions more. I shooed him out of my apartment so I could shower and prepare for the day. I threw on my t-shirt and jeans before doing my hair. I grabbed my cell phone. Dazai was waiting for  me outside, along with Atsushi.

"Ohayou, (y/n)-chan!", he called, bowing his head. I smiled.

"Ohayou, Atsushi-kun.", I replied. "Are you coming with us to the Agency?" Atsushi nodded.

"If that's alright with you, Dazai-san.", The boy replied." Dazai chuckled, ruffling Atsushi's hair in a playful manner. "Did you sleep well, (y/n)-chan?" I plastered a false smile to my face and nodded. I chose to ignore Dazai's pointed frown. As we walked to the Agency together, Dazai launched in a discussion about the perfect suicide, while Atsushi's stomach rumbled lowly as he muttered something about tea on rice. I mostly zoned out as I walked a few paces behind the two men.

The early morning was freezing, especially with winter just around the corner. The bright sun up above did nothing to warm the goose bumps rippling up my skin. I blew hot breath into my bare, cupped hands. The steam escaped through my fingers and curled in the air before disappearing. My attempts proved futile as my fingers were still stiff from the unbearable cold.

862 words, unedited