Loving you is suicide || Dazai x Reader #BSDWattys2017

❝Reason for living❞

"Get up, (y/n).", a voice said.

"I-I can't!"

My eyes snapped open. Immediately, I found myself lost in a memory once again. This time I was squatting in a dark room. Even though I couldn't see the dimensions of the room, I knew about its immensity. This was a bunker, hidden underground, that the Port Mafia used to train new recruits. The sound of popping guns echoed in the background along with deep grunts and the sound of skin pounding on skin or mats. Specks of blood, sweat and grime caked the concrete floor. Laying on that soiled ground was the same (h/c) haired girl from my earlier visions. Looming above her was a tall, menacing figure. Dazai looked just the same as last time. He still donned on that black jacked that was draped over his shoulders and the white bandages around his eye.

"I didn't ask if you could do it.", Dazai said, his tone low and dangerous. "I'm telling you to." The girl's arms trembled violently as she tried to push herself up, off the ground. Blood dribbled from her nose, falling to the ground in silent splatters. With great effort, she finally rose to her feet, head hung, but dignity intact. "Now, we are going to try again." The girl's (e/c) eyes were wide with disbelief.

"Dazai! T-There's no way I--ah!" A dark glimmer shone in Dazai's brown eyes as he forcefully grabbed her dirty, (h/c) locks in his fist. The girl whimpered lowly, refusing to meet the angry stare of her senior.

"You're testing my patience, (y/n).", Dazai softly said. "If I had half a brain, I would have thrown you out back onto the streets because of your recent failures. However, I consider myself merciful. Now, I am ordering you: teleport me to the other side of this room." He released the girl, and took a step back.

"As you wish, sir.", she said. After taking a deep breath, she wrapped her arm around Dazai's slim waist. (E/c) eyes stayed fixated on the other side of the immense training room. Her eyebrows were screwed up in concentration, trying to memorize every inch of her destination. When the girl seemed satisfied, she closed her eyes and yelled, "Here one second, gone the next!" With a flash of brilliant green light, both the girl and Dazai dissapeared. Suddenly, she found herself on the other side of the room.

The moment they appeared, the girl collapsed in a heap. Dazai caught her in his arms and knelt with her to the ground. Amazement shone in his brown eyes while a wide smile pulled at his lips. Dazai gently brushed the (h/c) hair out of the girl's face. She looked completely drained, but still conscious somehow.

"You did it, (y/n).", Dazai sweetly congratulated. "You successfully teleported us without the aid of a gem." The girl weakly smiled, before the light faded from her eyes and she passed out in Dazai's arms. The young man chuckled, caressing her (h/c) hair. "I'm very proud of you, (y/n) (l/n)."

A bright light seared my vision. At the same time, I became aware of the excruciating pain that plagued every inch of my body. I heard the sounds of horrifying shrieks before realizing I was the one emitting them. My throat ached and tears poured down my face as I violently fought against my restraints.

"Shhh, (y/n).", a feminine voice cooed. "It hurts, I know." Large, crazed pools of pink seemed to swallow me whole. Yosano loomed above me wielding a massive, wicked looking cleaver. "I'm almost finished. Oh but--" She cocked her head to the side. "You didn't need this arm...right?"

I blacked out again.

...

I opened my eyes to a beautiful view. A large, setting sun hung above the horizon. Its darkening rays cast an orange tint over the vast ocean below. The pink sky overhead was dotted with orange clouds drifting in a fast moving wind. I felt the rumble of automobiles under my feet as they zoomed past on the long stretching bridge. My gaze turned to two figures standing side by side on the bridge, looking out over the water. As I slowly approached them, it wasn't hard to guess who I was watching. The two people leaned against the railing of the bridge, lips moving as words were caught by the wind and drifted away. When I was close enough, I could finally make out their conversation.

"Then I told him if he didn't behave correctly, I'd put a bomb in his car.", an older looking Dazai said with a grin on his face. The (h/c) next to him laughed.

"I bet Chuuya didn't take too kindly on that.", she said. Dazai grinned wider. His wavy, brown hair whipped violently in his face due to the sheer winds. The girls (h/c) (h/l) hair did the same. I noticed the closeness between the two. The girl was obviously trying to lean into Dazai whereas the other backed away.

"The little midget grew as red as a tomato.", Dazai laughed, shaking his head. "He tried to strangle me, but I told him he needed a step ladder." The girl chuckled. Dazai's attention drifted out to the ocean, seemingly lost in thought. "Mori has been talking about making you an executive.", Dazai said. The girl's eyes widened.

"Really?!", she gasped. Dazai nodded.

"At my recommendation.", he added. The girl's jaw dropped. Teeth bit at delicate lips as she looked at Dazai with an uncertain lookin her eyes.

"Do you really think I'm ready?"

"Of course.", Dazai said, briefly glancing at her. "Besides, I have a new subordinate I must train now. You've already done everything I asked from you."

"Does that mean we won't see each other very often anymore?", she asked. Dazai shrugged.

"Not necessarily.", He said. "We may need to work together in the future when we're equals. Who knows, maybe we could even end up as partners." Dazai sighed. "As long as I'm never paired with Chuuya, I'll be happy." Bright, (e/c) eyes shone at Dazai with a look I recognized too well. I could tell by the subtle hesitation in Dazai's features that he saw it too. He shook his head. "Don't give me that look.", Dazai muttered. The girl's expression faltered, confusion drifting over her face.

"W-What look?", she nervously asked.

"The one a subordinate should never give to a superior." The girl's face paled significantly. "I know your feelings for me, (y/n). I'm not stupid and you're not as hard to read as you might think." He sighed. "I'm sorry to say that I can't return those feelings." The girl's face was very red, but she didn't seem hurt or surprised.

"And I've never asked you to, Dazai.", she said, turning away from him. " I know it's wrong to feel this way, but you're the only person who has given me a reason for living." Dazai turned his head to the side, eyes wide with surprise. "You gave me a purpose in life when I had none...I...I could never thank you enough for that. I guess that's why I feel this way." Dazai didn't respond, either lost in thought or speechless. The image began fading to black like the end of an old movie.

I awoke, gasping for breath. I rolled onto my side, throwing up on the floor. I coughed so hard, I thought my lungs were going to fly out of my chest. A hand appeared on my shoulder, rubbing the area in a soothing manner.

1282 words, edited