Mythlands: Mythical Origins

5. Down at the Beach

Never Never Land Resort. 1981

 'Darn it! Why does this keep happening to me?' lamented Mac as he walked down the beach.

Mac was fervently wishing he had stuck to his vow to never again go on a beach holiday, but he could hardly say no to his best friend's stag weekend. They had all had their say and Mac had argued for Myth Vegas, but Alex was insistent, saying that it was his last week of freedom and he wanted to spend it with his droogs!

Only Rob Crueso, who was as neurotic about islands as Mac was about beaches, had supported him. In the end, they had both given in for two reasons. Firstly the majority ruled and secondly, despite a lot of counselling for his rage issues, Mac was afraid that Alex was one bad day away from donning his bowler hat and doping up on milk-plus in preparation for an evening of ultra violence.

There was also the fact that Alex was taking Charlotte to Vegas for their honeymoon - a fact he had only found out when arguing for that destination with the others. The Hare had blurted it out and it turned out that Goose and Fagin had also known.

Mac found himself thinking of Alex's girl. Charlotte was so sweet and lovely - definitely a calming influence on Alex. His friend used to joke she had woven her web around him. He wished he could find a girl like Charlotte.

Mac sighed. The others would be in the bar at Mermaid's Cove. He supposed he ought to head back and tell them it had happened again. He knew Alex and Hare would take the piss for days, but at least the boys would have his back if he ran into that musclehead again!

'Darn it!' declared Mac again as he kicked the sand. 'Owww!' his bare foot had struck something solid that had been covered by the sand. Hopping around in agony for a minute, Mac fell on his rump and struck his elbow on the object.

'Damn beach trash!' he wrenched the thing free of the sand and stopped in his tracks as a whirling column of smoke issued from the top of it. It was some kind of container and he had knocked the cork off.

In amazement Mac watched as the form of a man coalesced in front of him.

'Ooooh I say!' said the thin turbaned man. 'Talk about a long hangover! There's me, meets this fellow who found me and gave me a rub. Well, we goes out on the town and he gets some drinks inside me and has his way with me and then when the wishes are gone, discards me into the sea! All washed up I was ... on this beach, until you found me ... Master!'

Mac's eyes took in the man's clothes, camp expression and the way he spoke. He knew exactly what he had found.

'You're a panto genie!!'

'Yes indeedy and what can I do you for young Sir? Riches maybe or a harem of women ... if you're into that sort of thing of course.'

Mac knew exactly what he wanted - he didn't have to wish for women or riches. His most profound desire would definitely get him the first and he could parlay it into ways to make money. Professional wrestling perhaps!

'Genie, here are my three wishes. I want to have a muscular body like Charles Atlas ... and I want that bully who keeps kicking sand in my face to run into me tonight at the Mermaid's bar so I can beat him up in front of everybody, especially the women. Make sure they're all there!'

'Is that your third wish Master?' asked the camp genie slyly.

'No! That's part of Wish number two. My third wish is ...' he leant forward and whispered in the genie's ear.

Fifteen minutes later Mac, the near future Hero of the Beach was heading back to the hotel complex, stopping to admire his heavily muscled frame in every surface. He was highly anticipating beating up the bully later, but first he had to get rid of this thing.

Mac went up to reception, noticing the girl behind the desk's admiring glances at his new frame. 'Can you call the local bird sanctuary and get them to collect this for me?' he asked, handing over the big red rooster.

He sighed. 'Two out of three wishes weren't so bad.'