Mythlands: Mythical Origins

6. Let's play a Game

King Arthur's Castle a few years ago.

The wizard giggled and held out his hand for the bottle, which the Fairy Queen reluctantly passed to him. The Mouse lit up a massive doobie and chortled.

'Ho ho ho ... I'm bored guys. Let's play a game.'

Gloriana shushed him. 'Shhh Mouse. You already said that, like an hour ago. Merl's been setting everything up.'

The Mouse rubbed the black fur of his head. 'I did? Gee, I guess I'm more stoned than I thought. Ho ho ho, give me a swig of that vodka old man.'

The wizard was too drunk to be offended. 'Shut your damn mouth Mouse. Dh don di disturb me, I'm concentrating. We need to get the transformation spell just right. Now shhhh, I'm on the phone to my girl at the hotel bar. Hey Dejah Thoris ... this is Merl. Yeah we need you to send a sucker our way ... one of them damn tourists ... no, you'll get your money later. Don't take that tone with me young lady! Oh yeah ... well just remember honey, this is Camelot and you ain't on Mars no more ... Princess. Yeah ... yeah, I didn't think so. So we're a bunch of sick rich bastards ... so what. Unless you want to be a waitress for the rest of existence, you'll do as you're told. Good ... oh perfect, we love talking animals, don't we Mouse?'

'Ho ho ho ... this is gunna be fun Merl!'

'Damn cheeky bitch,' mumbled the wizard when he had put his phone down.

Gloriana scowled. 'I should teach that wench a lesson. When does the tourist arrive?'

'In about five minutes. As soon as he steps through the portal, I'll enact the spell and the duplicate castle will be transported back to The Mouse's private lands where no one can disturb our fun. Hey, that reminds me, what about your partner Mouse? Will he interfere?'

The Mouse shook his head. 'Walt's gone to Myth Vegas. Ho ho ho. Shacked up with some whore.'

The fourth of the group was the only sober one. 'Is he coming? Can we do a series of intricate death traps?'

Gloriana slapped the back of his head. 'Do you want to get caught Jig? This is about fun, not murder. It cost us nearly two million to cover up your last game and we agreed, no bodies.'

The Mouse was thoughtful. 'Not now anyway, ho ho ho. But I know this group ... Elite hunting ... very goddamn discreet. We use them up in the Kingdom sometimes, when Walt wants a bit of extra fun.'

The wizard took another slug of the bottle. 'Have to be careful. The Council of Arthurs are very strict on upholding law and order and Good Merlin will be down on my ass like a ton of bricks if he found out about our ... games. Did I tell you guys there used to be over a hundred of us Merlin variants?'

'Only about a thousand times,' groaned Gloriana, who had heard the story before.

'There's only one me ... ho ho ho!' declared the Mouse. 'There were others but I had em culled. Ho ho ho.'

'Lots of culling going on,' nodded Bad Merlin. 'I was one of 11 evil Merlins and we conspired together to wipe out our good dopplers, but the one who became Good Merlin survived and became the ultimate version. I only live because I switched my dark clothes with a good variant and he thinks all the evils are dead. Now shut up and hand me that joint. Mouse, Jig ... deal the cards.'

*

The Golden Goose waddled along the street and across the bridge, looking for the attraction the girl in the hotel bar had told him about. He was wearing a red Hawaiian shirt with yellow stars on it and his camera was slung round his neck. A bottle of Bushmills was tucked into a little bag he was carrying, along with his sunglasses, travellers cheques and other sundries.

'Now where was this castle tour ...' he muttered. 'Go through the ... aha, the gate!'

Merlin drew the first card sets and handed one to the Mouse and the other to Gloriana. 'Place.'

He reshuffled the deck and muttered 'Fifty/Fifty,' as the Goose walked through the castle gate. Drawing a card he showed it to them. 

'Ballroom!' declared Gloriana with delight as the Mouse cursed and threw down his Forest card.

The Goose heard the sound of a party and decided to investigate as the second set were drawn.

'A book or a door,' declared Bad Merlin. 'Gloriana, you can select. If you choose a path that leads away from the ballroom, we're back in open play again.'

The Fairie Queen puffed at her joint and considered. 'I'm tempted to choose book and designate a demonic spell unleashed, but he'd have to go into a library, so door.'

The Goose saw a door up ahead and pushed it open. He emerged into a ballroom and saw that a party was taking place - with a waughh of delight, he headed towards the buffet, steering towards the drinks table.

Bad Merlin spoke. 'Set Three is blind Gloriana. I have two cards drawn and you may choose one and an action.'

Gloriana pointed to the right hand card. 'A bird. The other card is an enemy with blooded sword.'

The Mouse kicked out with one big yellow boot. 'Darn it!'

'Gloriana still in play. Set four of six determines the action of your bird. Choose between cards.'

Gloriana pointed.

'Flight ... The second card is Invisibility. Flight is redundant with a bird. The next turn passes to the Mouse. Your next card will determine an action. At this stage I can tell you that the cards drawn are ... a fight or a transformation. You have to choose and then if Gloriana's choice matches yours, you can describe a challenge scenario.'

'Oh boy!' said the Mouse. 'Fight ... then I'll have him attacked by a knight ... no wait, trolls! A dragon.'

Bad Merlin put his hand up. 'No scenarios before we see if there's a match ... ah, bad luck Mouse. Gloriana has turned over transformation.'

In the ballroom the Golden Goose was having a great time. He had already had several drinks in the bar and several more here and had stuffed his face at the buffet. Looking up he saw a small robin red breast by the window. He blinked and it was gone. There was now a butterfly in its place.

'Guess I'm a bit squiffy,' he giggled. 'It's the wine. I need to even out my booze.' He reached with golden wing tips to hook his bottle of bushmills out of the bag.

Bad Merlin drew the last two cards. 'End game scenarios. Gloriana you're ahead on points with no way for the Mouse to win, so you can either exercise the endgame option Destroy or Save for your player, or you can opt out so the Mouse can attempt to follow his game plan to cause the player harm.

Gloriana waved a hand indulgently. 'As I've already won and The Mouse owes me the stake of 100,000 gold pieces, he can have his fun.'

'Oh boy!' The Mouse was salivating at the thought of finally getting the annoying goose.

Bad Merlin nodded. 'The cards read ... 'And they sit there to this very day,' and 'He picked up his weapon and went on his way.'

The Mouse frowned and rubbed the yellow buttons on his shorts. 'So we can't ... ho ho ho ... kill him violently?'

'No, but if you win the Destroy Card he will be under a no movement or imprisonment for eternity curse.'

'Ho ho ho! That'll have to do,' spat The Mouse vindictively and pointed at a card.

In the ballroom, the Golden Goose's wings jerked and he fumbled ... the bottle of bushmills fell to the ground and rolled a few feet away. The Goose picked it up and decided it was time to go back to the hotel bar for a quick drink, then a nap before coming down later for Happy Hour, dinner and the cabaret. He put the bottle back in his bag and went on his way.

'Damn mutha f%$king ...' swore The Mouse as the game ended and the duplicate castle merged back with the real one as the Goose exited.

Jig shook his head. 'That was boring. You should have let me play my games!'