Blue Moon

C H A P T E R 32

MISSING LIGHT

KAI

"Here's her milk bottle. Call us if you need anything else. We could take turns watching her as needed." Eleonor, Arrah's mom, handed me the lukewarm bottle. Kissing the tips of her fingers, Eleonor placed them on top of my baby's head. She then squeezed my arm in a show of support, "We'll find her, Kai."

Biting my inner cheeks, I nodded. Glancing at the baby, Eleonor finally went downstairs and I was left with my month-old daughter. A month has passed since Arrah disappeared. The days simply coming and going, the world kept moving. "If that's the last thing I could do..."

Will she still forgive me?

I turned her away.

Arrah single-handedly killed the enemies with triple the monstrous power she showed at Redwoods. And that beast—its sinister aura had my defenses up and doubled. I could not see past the monster reflected in Arrah's eyes. Her face morphing to resemble that of a cold-blooded beast - the more the traces of my mate disappeared the more I couldn't feel her anymore.

The fear for our newborn baby's safety, the adrenaline pumping through my veins from the onslaught of enemies that came at us, and the mixed signals coming from my mate - her transformation, I was overwhelmed. All I could think of was keeping our baby safe.

'... we are still breakable... we're not gods.'

Shocked and barely holding up, I could do nothing as Arrah faded before my eyes.

'I can only imagine the pressure we've exerted by relying so much on your help.'

'A higher purpose, some could say. The power to alleviate suffering was a blessing bestowed by the almighty and the only way to give back was to pay it forward.' Old Maya offered me another drink but I could only decline another cup. 'The calling to be a healer is fulfilling.'

'Are you?' I hesitated to ask.

'Hmmm?' Lifting her head from her cup, her lips were a breath away from the rim. 'Am I what?'

'Do you feel fulfilled?'

'On most days...' she laughed at the surprise that must have registered on my face. The wrinkles on her face were lightened by her laugh. 'I'm sorry. We're you expecting to hear a resounding yes?'

'I guess...' I admitted.

'On some days, we fail. I fail and that mistake would cost a life. If only there was more that could be done... what more could I do? Have I done enough? Questions sprouting from guilt gave way to self-doubt. However, in the end, I just learned to accept it. We can do our best but we can't save everyone, Beta,' she sobered. 'It hurt.'

'You don't have to take everything upon yourselves and it was too much of us to impose.'

'I'd help and save who I can and pray for those I can't... It's not a 'hero' complex or anything. Was I not too ashamed to admit my self-serving motives, I'd say it's because deep down I, too, wanted someone to help me. I wanted to be saved.' Without looking at me, she said, 'That's what Alyssa said the first time she healed a terminally ill boy. It was also her last. It was only when her life was wasting away did I realize the significance of what she said. While she offered her hand to help, at the same time, she was looking for someone to take her other hand to be saved.'

'Alyssa and your mate were so alike I... I hoped and prayed she wouldn't meet that death too soon.' Her piercing gaze stunned me and her words left my heart hammering then halted. 'Arrah will need you. Will you offer her your hand, Kai?'