68. In Which Jaxon Just Wants to Jump

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❝We're both looking at the same moon, in the same world

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❝We're both looking at the same moon, in the same world. We're connected to reality by the same line. All I have to do is quietly draw it towards me❞

-Haruki Murakami




🚗 JAXON 🚗

I tricked my brother into helping with my suicide.

Getting a Miller on to the phone was hard during holiday season. Many of them owned plowing companies or landscaping businesses of their own, being booked up all month. My brother Gavin was free when I called him up, jumping to the chance to spend time together.

"I haven't been able to see you much since..."

"Don't talk about it."

"How are you going to move on with what happened if we don't talk about it?"

"What happened is over. I don't want to relive my nightmare."

"I'm sorry, bro. I wanted to make sure you were okay," he said, gripping the steering wheel. "I'm worried about you."

"You can be more worried about getting these fuckers arrested and jailed. You can be way more worried at the possibility of me becoming triplegic after having this surgery."

"Wait, what?" he huffed. "Are you serious? Doctors said that?"

"I'm not doing the surgery."

"What, no—"

"I don't want to take the risk."

"You can't be serious. You have to still go for it and try to see if something will happen."

"Something will happen—I'll be worse than I already am."

"Jaxon, you can't have that kind of mindset." He backed his car into the parking spot, getting into the position. "Why is it that we're out here?"

We were at Lake Livingston. The same lake I had taken Delilah and she wooed me at the docs, teasing my boner with her hands, and messing with my head ever since. She said she took runs out here ever since our interactions, so I supposed she would be the first roommate to find my body if it was ever by accident and someone else didn't get to my floating corpse first.

"I'm leaving you out here."

"I'll call my roommate to come pick me up."

"I got Salma's number. I'll tell her—"

"Don't tell her anything," I demanded. "I'm not speaking with her."

"Whoa, what happened there? I thought you were the closest with her. Am I wrong?"

"Very wrong."

"What happened? I'm missing something."

"I found out that her intentions are in the wrong place. I haven't confronted her about it yet, but I will soon."

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