Love Is Pink Under The Moon

Chapter Twenty Five: The Murderer

All I can remember of my early life...without DICE...was being lonely. I think my parents were nice, yeah my dad was a ringmaster in a circus! I wanted to be just like him. That circus was so vibrant and filled with life and all I ever wanted to do was to stay in it forever, having endless fun all day long as we traveled around the world. I loved my parents. My Dad.

Even though he never really wanted to have me...or spent any time with me.

Seeing all the acts and places he always talked about, it sounded amazing. The dreams my mom always mumbled about, how one day I could become a part of the acts too! That one day...when I earned money for Papa...he would love me. Until then...I would just have to be alone...and patient. That was my dream...

Until it, all burned away. I don't remember much of the fire. A fire that started by accident, that could've been so easily avoidable...the one that burned down all my dreams, that left my back with a horrible scar from the burns...

How anyone in that tiny circus tent burned with it. How I just ran when the eventual firefighters arrived when they mumbled a language I barely understood. Guess that's the curse of being a proud English woman once upon a time.

I just remember waking up on someone's back as they carried me, I kept blacking out that day...but when I saw my hero my first thought was that he looked like a grape.

Then he was like the brother that I never had.

The person who dragged me out of the ashes where my parents lost their lives, and since I never had met any other family I joined DICE. Back then it was just the six of us before we met more as we grew older.

I remember though...his smile, he was always smiling and laughing. That he made up so many games and the days never seemed to really be filled with despair despite the fact we were all broken. How he seemed to guide us out of the darkness, how he lied. Like how sometimes he would say he wasn't hungry but all night long I could hear his stomach growling...and once I shoved some bread into his mouth.

All the happy days with him. With everyone. That's what I want to remember about my childhood. Not the struggles of us starving on the streets for a year till we were finally caught and taken to an orphanage.

Or how cruel fate was...or how I couldn't even remember my name for a while after that fire..and even then when I did I never changed it from what Kichi gave me. That girl died in the fire, and then...

The murderer was born. I became the evil thing Kokichi despised. I killed. It at first wasn't supposed to be like that, Genkei was really really sick at the time. We needed money- and fast. We had so many debts, all of us were desperately trying to earn money. So...I took the dirty jobs no one should've had to take. It worked the more sexual ones for a while, then we just kept sinking further into that hole.

We were just sixteen. We didn't have parents and lived in abandoned apartments living off top ramen from convenient stores. So...I made a decision. I decided to take orders to plunge the knife or shoot the gun into the people who resembled just like me. But unlike me, they didn't have the chance to make a happy ending. I took it from them.

I lied to Nao that I was working at a restaurant. A cheap excuse for the surplus of income. Because if I had told Kokichi he would've known. It was hard at first...those first nights all I ever did was lock myself into the bathroom and sob my eyes out. I still do that sometimes. But I did it until I suppressed my sadness and despair in front of them and held back my tears till I was all alone.

I should've known one-day karma would come for me...but still. I was hoping maybe it would understand what I did everything for. I guess in the end though when Kokichi started the phantom thiefs it was the real end. When he once again fell in love with a navy haired detective, so intoxicated in that love that he slowly died from that kind of love.