Fight for love 2

The chapel

Like my life lately, I'd somehow taken several wrong turns as I wandered in a blind daze and instead of the hospital cafeteria I was in the chapel on my knees in front of the miniature alter at the rear of the room.

I wasn't sure if I even believed in god or religion but I somehow found myself here praying, begging to anyone that would listen to fix things and in return I would do anything they asked of me.

It was ironic really, being in a chapel praying that god would listen to me when in fact I was already in hell. I'd been in hell for sometime now but it wasn't getting any easier.

The darkness was thickening around me like a heavy smoke, weighing me down and choking me as it kept me prisoner here.

Grayson had fucked things up on a royal level, first he cheated on me then the guilt he carried around found him seeking solace in drugs which in turn cost him his career.

He was now in his own hell seeking thrills from illegal fights and general day to day dickery.

I couldn't help but recall that night at the hall of fame induction when he dragged me into the bathroom cubicle and kissed me so hard I couldn't breathe. It was only a few months ago but it felt like a lifetime.

'Don't ever doubt my love for you' that's what he'd said.

He was so raw and passionate in that moment I couldn't help but believe his words, god I clung onto them like my life depended on it and I could have sworn I felt his love right down into my soul.

But maybe I was naive, stupid even.

Perhaps I'd heard what I wanted to hear and my mind tricked me into feeling him showering me with the love I'd do desperately wanted from him.

Now I didn't know what was the truth and what was a lie. The boundaries between them had faded into a murky, dull painful mess and all I felt was despair.

Pain and misery were my best friends. They kept me company in even the darkest of moments as they hid amongst the shadows tempting me to join them and just give up.

Grayson had done this to me. But I was my fathers daughter, a Franklin and I wouldn't give in without putting up a bloody good fight. No matter how much he had destroyed my heart I was a mum and my kids needed me strong.

I had no option but to be strong but it didn't mean it hurt any less.

Grayson had ripped my heart out, shredded it into a million pieces then chucked it out like garbage and yet I still battled to keep my head above water.

It wasn't exactly living but I was surviving, I was really trying to carry on with life. Thankfully my three children gave me a reason to carry on fighting so that's why this entire shitty, cruel blow was so unexpected.

Grace getting sick didn't make any sense to me, how was that fair?

She was just a beautiful little girl, my little girl and now she was laying in a hospital bed being pumped full of poison in the hope that it would kill the disease before either one killed her.

Grayson hurting me I could accept in a way, we were adults and things don't always turn out like you dreamt they would, there isn't always a fairytale ending but this?

My daughter fighting every minute of every day for her life and me not being able to do a damn fucking thing about it?

No, I couldn't accept it, it wasn't fair and I didn't know what to do.

I went from crying a river of tears as I gazed up at the status of Jesus on the cross to laughing maniacally crazed by the horror of my situation and the hopelessness I felt.