Fight for love 2

Unfair

One night in hospital after reading the story of the princess who found a forest full of enchanted animals for the fifth time I tucked Gracie into bed and lent down to give her a sweet kiss on her nose to make her chuckle.

"Bedtime now sweet pea" I advised her softly tucking a wild strand of blonde hair behind her ear. To my absolute shock and horror it fell right out of Gracies scalp into my fingers still feeling warm from her.

My stomach churned in tight waves of nausea as I fought to hold back a cry letting out a choking sound instead which made Gracie giggle. 

"silly momma" Gracie mused happily snuggling down under her covers whilst I quickly hid the lock of hair in my closed hand and plastered on a gentle, non panicked out of my brain smile.

"Sweet dreams baby" I placed another lingering kiss on my sweet baby's head as every one of my worst fears began to swarm around my head like a whirlwind of absolute hellish degrees.

It was only once I walked outside the prison like hospital room and found my mum standing outside in the hallway that I almost collapsed in her arms and began to sob quietly not wanting to disturb the sleepy patients.

"What's wrong Maddie?" My mum pleaded as she felt she shoulder become dampened by my river of silent, sad, salty tears

"Oh mum this is so fucking unfair" I croaked out hoarsely almost choking on my own despair and endless sadness

"I know darling" My mum soothed me and pulled back to look at her with one of those stern mum like gazes.

"Life hadn't been easy for you but you are a Franklin and you are strong"

"Mum her hair... " Sge didht nedd to tell me that. Life sucked big hairy balls right now and not in a good way. But she didn't get it so I  opened my hand to reveal the thick lock of blonde hair that had dropped from my baby daughters head moments earlier. 

"We were warned this might happen it's the chemo drugs"

"But how do I tell a 3 yr old little girl her pretty blonde hair is going to fall out?!" I mused in complete heartbreak at how shitty this situation was.

"You and Grayson do it together. I know things are not good between you two but you are her parents and she needs you both" my mum advised sensibly even when I could see the pain flashing through her eyes.

"How'd you get so wise mum?"

"Old age baby old age" mum  chuckled sorrowfully and I knew what my mum would be thinking, she'd wishing she could do much more than just offer me advice.

Mum would  want to wave a magic wand and fix all the awful things that had happened. She'd get rid of Tommy Matthews so he never hurt me.

She'd ensure Grayson had more clarity and common sense to see what a good thing he had with me and the kids, his career too and not screw that all up.

But most of all she'd ensure Gracie didn't get sick.

Even if those things killed her she'd give her life to make those changes to one of her children and grandchildren's lives.

I'd heard my parents talking when they thought I was asleep next to Gracie. They'd been discussing how worried they were about me aswell as Gracie, concerned how I was handling things. How all of this was too much for a 23yr old woman to go through, too much for anyone to go through in a lifetime really.

But there was nothing that could change things and do all my parents knew that deep down, all they  could do was help us, their loved ones through it. I needed them more than ever now I couldn't rely on Grayson any further than I could throw him.

Even when he was around it was like he was a shell of his former self and could barely hold himself together let alone handle all this awful stuff. He'd messed up everything, his career was in the toilet, he was popping drugs like they were candy and he'd hurt me and the kids beyond measure. He was like a completely different person and of course he still lived his kids, I knew that deep down but somehow they weren't enough to pull him out of this state he'd gotten into. I wasn't enough either apparently.

After grabbing a coffee from the machine I headed back to Gracie and watched her as she slept.
One eye kept a check of the machines monitoring her vitals whereas the other watched her chest move up and down in a gentle rhythm as she slept.

It was crazy to think how seriously ill she was looking at her like this. She looked so peaceful and relaxed, not crying out in pain and pleading with me to take the ouchies away and leaving me feeling so useless as her mum.

I tried to sleep but as soon as I drifted off I'd have terrible nightmares of her looking so at rest and angelic dead in her hospital bed when I woke up.

So maybe if I didn't sleep she'd be okay. She would die. It was completely irrational but so was my life these days so my brain was just going along for the insane ride.

My eyes shot open as another nightmare ripped me from my sleep breathing unsteadily and lurching forward to grab Gracies hand to check she was still warm and alive.

"Bad dream?" A gruff voice from the shadows questioned making me jump slightly in surprise

"Yeh something like that. Where have you been?" I snapped not really wanting to be alone with Grayson right now when I was so mad at him.

"I had some business to take care of" he explained calmly as he sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the bed gazing over Gracies face as if he was soaking in every one of her features and in complete awe of her. He kissed her little hand and held it in his wrapping his huge fingers around it like a giant compared to her tiny little frame.

"I'm glad to know you have your priorities in order" I spat quietly shaking my head in annoyance at his attitude of late.

"I'm trying to earn money Madison"

"Illegal fighting is just being a paid thug. Don't think me or the kids need that blood money"

"Well someone has to pay the hospital bills" he hissed back pinching them bridge of his nose in frustration and trying to rein in his temper

"Don't you mean pay for your drug habit?" This was exactly why us being alone together was a bad idea of late. We just bounced off of one another scoring points to hurt each other as much as we could.

"Well I'm sorry I'm not perfect but it's not like you are a saint either. You've committed a fair few sins of your own if I'm not mistaken" Hunter, he meant Hunter. He was angry and in the wrong and so he was lashing out throwing stuff in my face to try to hurt me even more than he already had.

It was working too but I couldn't let him know that.

"Grayson her hair started to fall out last night" I suddenly blurted out unable to hold it in anymore

"What??"

"I barely touched it and an entire chunk just dropped out in my hand but she doesn't know yet and to be honest I am not sure I know how to tell her alone. I need you to help me"

"Of course I will" he agreed as the realisation hit him and he looked so sad it hurt my soul.

Grayson stuck to his word too and after we bought some pretty silk scarves we broke the news to Grace. I am not sure how much a three year old can understand of how gravely I'll they are but the more her hair fell out the more she would cry little tears of heartbreak saying that she wasn't pretty anymore.

Those huge big blue eyes just like her daddy's were all she needed to look absolutely beautiful, she didn't need any hair to make her pretty. As the weeks went by she seemed to forget about her hair lose.

I wasn't sure whether that was the illness making her feel more pain and her just focusing on that and just feeling too weak to worry about her appearance or the silk scarves we'd cover her little bare head in but seeing her less upset about it was a huge relief.