Chapter 32

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"It's over

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"It's over."

"Sarelle? Where have you been, what's over?" Her voice was soft and curious, maybe even worried. Why was she worried?

Because my breathing is tearing out of my lungs.

"I said 'goodbye' and now it's over."

"I don't understand, Sarelle." Her voice was more panicked now. Was I supposed to panic? Was that the right thing to do when your heart feels like it is trapped in a vice, unable to beat?

"He's gone and everything is over." Why does it hurt to think his name, to say it? Why did this hurt so much? How can I survive the horrific nightmares but the loss of a dream is unbearable?

My words were jumbled and staggered. They reflected my mind perfectly. Nothing ran smoothly, it was all just disjointed and unclear.

I was lost; my soul was lost because it had been torn from its other half.

Torn, ripped, broken.

Must be fixed, must be reunited, must be rebuilt. But how?

Epiphany was a fine thing to behold, and it came to me like lightning striking the ground. Fast and furious, cutting through the dark.

"I just need to find him, he exists. I just have to find him, and then I will be fixed. No monsters. I will be perfect. We'll be perfect." I rose from my place beside Her. I walked steadily to the front door, a small smile plastered on my face. My eyes were clear of tears so I saw Her confused expression. I didn't feel confusion. I knew what had happened and I knew what I had to do to find him. I had to get out of this house, no matter Her protests and questions.

I opened the front door and bright sunlight blinded my eyes.

I gasped.

The beautiful day outside reminded me of our days in the meadow.

His glittering skin, his touches, his eyes, his voice, his love. I drowned in everything he was.

I drowned and I fell. I felt my body sinking down to the ground. First my knees hit the soft wooden floor, then my palms caught my weight as the dry sobs started to rip me apart, finally I felt myself curl into the cold feel the floor gave me.

Just like him.

The waves of pain came, and I let them wash over me mercilessly while Her arms held me in perplexed comfort.

I did not resurface, not for hours, maybe not even for days, but eventually a time came when my conscious broke the surface of the misery I had swam in.

My body was still clad in the pale pink sundress I had worn when...

My mind stopped me immediately. Now was too early and raw to think of...

I rose clumsily from the foreign white bed and examined my surroundings. I was in a bedroom although it didn't seem to belong to anyone. It was decorated with simple furniture and pale yellow walls. My gaze drifted to the window opposite me, light filtered hazily through the transparent drapes. It was sunny outside, brighter than I had seen in many months.

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