Love Doesn't Exist || H.S

chapter twenty-six

Emily

I don't know why I thought Harry would come after me. I don't know why I thought he'd stop me. He just let me go. He let me leave and went back into his room with that random girl.

So here I am, and here I have been for the past 3 days, doing nothing but lying in my bed, dressed in the same thing I've been in for 3 days. My grey tracksuits and Harry's white top that he never took back.

I've eaten nothing and my body is hating me for it. I've been surviving off water. Even when Molly comes in here with a full cooked meal, I don't take it. Because I've lost my appetite. Every time I went to eat something, images of Harry wearing nothing but a sheet with Amanda tugging on his hand, would flash into my mind. And then there were the thoughts of the things I didn't see, but what I knew happened. So after the first day of trying to eat, I gave up. 

I haven't slept in 3 days. My eyelids are heavy and every part of my body is begging me to sleep. Begging me to get even just 5 minutes of sleep. But I can't. Because every time I close my eyes, the same pictures and thoughts come floating back.

So I simply just lay here. I lay here on my bed, not speaking, not eating, and not sleeping. 

I can tell Molly's been too scared to bring anything else up since the first time. After I'd told her everything that happened she was up on her feet, pacing around my room, shouting to nobody, about how much of a dick Harry was. And I agree with her. Harry is a dick.

But then when she'd come back into my room later that day, telling me she'd told Niall. And I lashed out on her. I screamed at her because I knew that Niall would immediately go to Harry. All the anger I was holding in because of Harry came bursting out of me then. But it wasn't Molly I was angry with. I had just taken the chance to yell and scream and cry. And Molly didn't bring it up again. Instead she left me in my room to think, only coming in to ask if I wanted something or wanted to go somewhere.

"Emily?" Molly said quietly as she walked into my room. I didn't turn over to look at her, or even acknowledge her, because my body was too tired to do so. And I was well aware how much Molly hated my silence, hell I hated my silence, but I just couldn't do it.

Despite my lack of conversation, Molly continued to talk anyway, knowing that I'm listening but to tired to respond.

"I'm going back to London tomorrow to be with Niall when he- when they perform" She said even quieter then before. I instantly knew she was talking about the X Factor final. The X Factor final that I'd been ask to go to. "I think you should still come"

For the first time in 3 days, I turned away from the wall quickly and sat up so I was facing her. Molly looked shocked that I had given her my full attention, but even more shocked that I had moved. I was shocked that I had moved, but it was like someone had flicked a switch and I felt the need to turn around to her.

"I want to go" I choked out. "I shouldn't... but I do. And I feel like I'm supposed to hate him Molly" There was instantly a stream of tears running down my cheeks and Molly was quick to rush to my side and wipe them away. "But I can't hate him. I would never hate him. Because I like the damn guy. I want to hate him, but I just can't. I want to hate him because he kissed me. I want to hate him for leading me on. I want to hate him for fucking some random girl. But I can't"

I sobbed into Molly's shoulder as she wrapped her arms around me and rubbed my back soothingly.

"You're not supposed to hate him" Molly cooed. "That's my job. I'm your best friend so that's my job. I'm the one that hates him for kissing you. I'm the one that hates him for leading you on. I'm the one that hates him for fucking some random girl. And I can't believe I'm saying this- because I hate the guy so much- but you need to come to London. You need to be there for him because he needs you. And I know you don't understand why and I know Harry doesn't either. But when you're in London, when you see him and he sees you, it will all make sense" 

Molly was right. I don't understand why I don't hate him. I don't understand why he's the only person I want to be with right now. I don't understand any of it because I'm supposed to hate him. But I don't. I'm just mad, and annoyed, and sad, and every single fucking emotion over Harry. 

"Thank you" I said as I pulled away from Molly. She brought here hand up to my cheek and wiped away the my tears.

"That's ok Em. Now you need to eat, sleep, shower, pack and I'll book your flight. But no more tears" She instructed me. Right on cue, my stomach began grumbling at me for the need for all the food I hadn't eaten in the past 3 days.

"I hope I can do all that by tomorrow" I said sarcastically.

"Oh you best believe me you will. I refuse to board the flight without you"

And for the first time in the past few days, I smiled. I smiled because I was I had the best friend anyone could ask for. I smiled because she was always able to get me back on track. I smiled because as mad as I was, for some reason I still felt a tinge of happiness because I was going to see Harry in less then 24 hours.

This is a pretty short chapter but once again I had to split it into 2.