Hate Me

Jathan;....

I get home tired, a bit lifted, but broken. My room and restroom are my thinking room and sad place, but today, I feel different.

You know that point in your life where you know you've got nothing figured out, your poor little heart is broken, you feel you're just not made to love or you're not pretty enough? Well, that's how I feel and even worse. My life seems like a mess.

I ask permission from my mother to take a walk and she only agrees if her little newscaster, Bummi, comes along. She knows I won't dare do anything stupid with that mobile CTV camera stuck with me. Bummi is nosy, but I love her. Cause she still knows when to keep shut but unfortunately spills more than needed at times.

After spending about an hour washing and combing out the gel in my hair, I finally come downstairs wearing sweatpants and a tank top. Bummi on the other hand has a cute dress and a huge smile on it. She never wants to miss an opportunity to leave the house. She is ready to stroll the streets with me. My mom checks if I'm with my inhaler and once sure, she lets me move.

I take a stroll down our thankfully quiet, painfully boring, and Commendably neat street. Kicking the stones in my path with my canvas as I listen to I like you so much, you'll know its cover by Ysabelle Cuevas

The song somehow seems right for me right now. I try to take Nathan off my mind but I just can't. Bummi's little hand in mine swinging as we walk.

I subconsciously begin to give little hops and wiggles to the bubbly tune of the song and Bummi just laughs at me. Revealing her cute little smile. I'm glad I have her. Although the whole world may leave me. My little bundle of trouble is here to stay.

After about thirty minutes of strolling about and listening to Bummis unending bickering about her 'school problems' and taking small stops to buy her some snacks, we head home.

I take a long, warm shower and then take a longer nap. I wake up at about 7:30 pm. I quickly rush to my bag and drag out my Biology text and notebook. Hurriedly scribbling down my undone assignment. After drawing this complex diagram of a skeleton, I have to move to my English essay.

Just when I am done with my diagram, my phone buzzes on the bed. I head to it. I look at my screen and find about ten messages.

One from Edna explaining her absence from school. She said her father had to take her to the new SHA in town to get some paperwork done.

The other messages are from irrelevant strangers who just message girls they pick interest in online. Not that I'm rude or anti-social. Okay maybe I am a bit antisocial, but I block unknown boys as soon as they send me an annoying "Hey babe."

I keep blocking till I come across a message hidden amongst the others in my dm. A message from Nathaniel.

This message forces me to go online.
I see he is active hence read his message but do not reply.

*Hey* He sends. He sees I have read his message but refuses to reply. So he soon starts typing.

*You hate me now, don't you?* He sends again. I feel tears build in my eyes. I read but do not reply.

*Jade I never meant to hurt you. Please reply to me* He begs.

*Well you did hurt me!* I reply as my tears finally find their way down my cheeks.

*Please try to understand I didn't mean to* He sends.

I read it and refuse to reply as I just let my tears pour.

*Please come outside* He sends.

Wait. What? Outside?
*What do you mean outside?* I send in pure confusion.