hiraeth - james potter x OC

apologies

It was killing both of them to not talk to each other. Elle started spending all of her time with Lily and Marlene, who knew the story by now, and were constantly glaring at James.

James spent most of his time in his dorm when he wasn't in class or at meals or trying to apologize to Elle.

The truth was, he did love her. So much. More than anything in this entire world, actually.

The dare happened when he was in fourth year. Fourteen years old. And although he knew that wasn't some sort of excuse, he knew he had changed since that year. It wasn't long after that stupid fucking dare that James realized how much he actually loved Elle. He didn't date her because of the dare, although that might be what it seemed like. He knew he was in the wrong, clearly, but he also knew that he did love her. And he hated every second he wasn't spending with her.

Elle spent a lot of time with Lily and Marlene, but when she wasn't with them, she was in her dorm alone. Crying.

She couldn't believe it. She thought about all the memories, all the dates, all the small moments, all the gifts that she thought were real. But they were all just part of some stupid dare.

Remus, Sirius, and Peter were caught in the middle of the whole thing. Honestly, they were on Elle's side, but still hung out with James. They knew that if they weren't with him, he wouldn't have anyone and he'd do something very stupid.

The three other Marauders knew that James really did love Elle, but they also knew that he was in the wrong for even making the dare in the first place.

Maybe that was what pissed Elle off so much. Maybe the whole relationship wasn't a dare, but the fact he was even capable of saying something like that made her blood boil. Even if it was two years ago.

Plus they started dating in fifth year, and Elle knew James hadn't changed much between fourth and fifth.

And it was because of all of this, this jumble of thoughts, the doubts and the worries, that Elle found herself sitting alone by the Black Lake under the weakening evening sunlight.

And it was because of dumb luck that James happened to see Elle out there, and decided it would be a good idea to approach her.

"Ellie," he said once he got there. Elle glanced at him, and stood up upon realizing who it was. "Ellie, please. Don't go. I just want to talk to you. Please, just for a second."

Elle looked at him, really looked at him for the first time in weeks. "Why are you even talking to me? You made me fall in love with you, and you fucked me. Shouldn't you have," she snapped her fingers dangerously. "turned it off by now?"

"I'm so sorry, Ellie," James pleaded. "I don't know why I ever thought it was a decent idea to even say something like that. And I know it wasn't that long ago. But everything's changed since then. I do love you. More than anything in the entire world. I realized how much I loved you literally a few weeks after the dare, and I felt horrible. And I still do. And I'm so, so, sorry. I promise you, my brain doesn't work like it did in fourth year anymore. Because I love you, Elle Carter. And I'm so unbelievably sorry."

To Elle, it sounded like a genuine apology, and James knew it was one, although he didn't expect her to accept it.

"So was it all fake?" Elle said quietly, and James shook his head.

"No, Elle. It wasn't all fake. I love you. And all the memories, all the moments we had, those were real. This whole relationship was real to me. I royally fucked up in fourth year, yes, but I didn't date you because of the dare."

"So why'd you say it in the first place? What was going through your mind that told you to say, 'Yeah dude, I'm going to make a chick fall in love with me for the fun of it and basically just use her for sex.'"

"I don't know," James said, looking down at the ground. "I don't know why I said it. I don't know what the fuck was going through my mind that made me think I could say something like that. I'm so, so, so, fucking sorry, Ellie. You're the love of my life. And I promise you, the relationship was not a dare. The dare means absolutely nothing to me now. I hope you know how much I love you." 

Elle was quiet for a long time. She mulled over his apology in his head, and started to think he might be telling the truth. She found herself wishing she was able to brew Amortentia to see what he would smell.

James took her silence for a good sign. At least she wasn't shutting him down immediately, right?

"You promise it wasn't just a dare?"

"I swear on my life. And once again, I'm so sorry."

Elle nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay."

James' face lit up. "What does 'okay' mean?"

Elle looked up at him. "I believe you."

"Really?" James said with a smile. "Thank you, Ellie. I don't deserve this. You know what? I will do anything you ask me to for the rest of the year. Including embarrass myself."

"Now that sounds fun," Elle said, a small smile on her face. "Look, I don't completely forgive you. But I'm willing to try again. But you have to promise that nothing like that will ever come out of your mouth, or I swear to Godric I'll hex you."

"I promise."

-

hi guys! i'm sorry, this is kind of a short chapter. also, i'm sorry if you wanted james to suffer longer lol. i honestly didn't really have any ideas for what to write. i'm sorry :(

i hope yall are enjoying the book! and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1.4k READS!

(also the first chapter of my ginny fic is up and the second one will be up soon if you're interested eheh)