hiraeth - james potter x OC

summer of hell

TW: ABUSE

if you are not comfortable reading all of this chapter, i will put ---------- when the abuse part is over. 

Elle had promised she would write to him. But she hardly did. She couldn't bring herself to do it.

The shouting of her parents rang in her head as she laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling.

It was mid-July by now, and Elle had hardly written to any of her friends. She felt horrible, but she couldn't help but feel like she was a burden on all their lives. On everybody's life.

Elle didn't know why she felt so shitty all summer long. She assumed it was just because she was missing her friends, but it was so much more than that.

"Elle!" her mom suddenly yelled from downstairs. "Come down here!"

Elle slowly got off her bed, walking down the stairs to the kitchen where her parents were fighting. "What?"

"We're getting divorced," her dad said bluntly, and Elle's eyes widened.

"What? Why?" Elle asked, although she knew exactly why.

"You already know the answer to that question," her mom hissed, rolling her eyes. "You have to decide which of us you want to live with."

"What? I- I can't choose-"

"You have to!" her dad yelled, advancing towards her. "You're the reason we're getting divorced, you know that? So choose!"

"I- I don't want to choose!" Elle said, her voice quavering and her eyes filling with tears.

Elle's dad moved towards her, shoving her onto the ground. He picked up a beer bottle, holding it above his head, ready to-

Elle's mom grabbed the beer bottle out of his hand, and Elle scrambled to her feet, tears streaming freely down her face.

She didn't say a word as she ran up the stairs, sobbing.

                                                                     ---------------------------

When she entered her room, her eyes landed on the stack of unopened letters from over the summer, and she walked over to them.

They were all pretty much the same. Asking how she was doing, how her summer was, telling her about their summer.

There were a few letters asking why she wasn't answering, or if she was okay. Most of them were from James, Remus, and Lily.

After she finished reading the letters, she was still crying. The image of her father about to hit her with a beer bottle repeating in hear head over and over again.

Elle took out a piece of parchment and a quill and began to write.

"Dear James,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been answering you. I'm sorry you always have to be so worried about me. I'm sorry that I'm such a burden in your life. I'm sorry that I'm like this.

There's just been a lot of stuff going on with my parents. They're getting divorced, and it's my fault. And I haven't felt like myself lately. Not at all. I've felt useless and horrible all summer, and I really don't know why.

This isn't fair for you, James. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve to have to deal with me

along with everything else. I'm so sorry that I'm like this. I don't deserve you.