Blasphemy - Minchan

5// If I'm lost then how can I find myself?

Chan didn't say anything to Minho the following morning. After waking up, he changed out of his clothes from the previous day into new ones. He sat on the bottom bunk of his bed, pulling on his robes, the white ones for prayer. After waking Minho up by nudging his leg, he avoided looking at him again.

Minho also changed in silence, sitting on his top bunk and knocking his head on the ceiling a few times which always ended in a groan of pain. When Chan left the room without him, Minho had to run to catch up, chasing him halfway down the hall.

"Wait! Chan, what's wrong?" He asked when he was close enough, placing a hand on his shoulder. Chan was quick to pull away, standing to the side. "Why are you so quiet?" He asked but Chan continued down the hall. Minho grabbed his wrist, "Chan! Did I do something wrong?"

"No, it's fine," Chan pulled his wrist out of Minho's hold, voice a mumble, "just don't say anything else. We're almost there."

Minho did as he was asked, following Chan through the hallway in complete silence. When something banged behind a door they passed, Chan flinched harder than he ever had before. He pretended nothing had happened, continuing down the hallway without a word. Minho saw it as clear as day though.

Inside the chapel, Minho sat beside Chan on a pew at the back. Most students and monks were already there, sitting in muteness. "Chan," Minho tried to whisper but Chan's hands were shaking in his lap, clenched together so hard his knuckles turned white. When Minho placed his hand over them, Chan ripped away, shuffling down the pew until they were as far away from each other as possible. Minho's mouth fell open. The monk made his way to the front of the church, ready to start the morning prayer before he could say anything further.

Not feeling like causing a scene that morning, Minho lowered his head with everyone else when prayer began. He held his hands together and recited the only prayer he knew when everyone else did. The Lord's Prayer. He listened to the other ones, particularly listening to Chan who sounded like he was speaking his own prayers at a few points, his more like a plea than the benedictions of everyone else.

"Help us help those in need..." the monk said as Minho peeked his head up, looking around at everyone else who was deep in prayer. Chan's head was hung lower than everyone else, hands squeezing together. His whole body shook. Minho looked away, closing his eyes again.

'What's wrong with him?' He couldn't help but wonder, followed by the question of, 'can I help him?"

"Dismissed for breakfast," spoke the monk after his fifth prayer.

Everybody raised from their seats. Everyone besides Chan. He remained where he was sat and Minho did the same, not wanting to go anywhere without him. He wasn't sure whether it was for his or Chan's sake anymore.

Chan continued to whisper rushed words to himself. Minho couldn't understand any of them. At one point he considered leaving Chan there, thinking he might want some time alone, but he couldn't do it. Not with the chapel seeming so eerily quiet with nobody else in it besides a few monks at the front.

When Chan opened his eyes, Minho snapped his head away, straightening up as if he'd never been staring. When he looked back, Chan met his eyes and he said, "we need to go to breakfast."

"Oh, right, yeah," Minho nodded, pushing himself out of the pew and waiting in the aisle for Chan. Chan walked off in the direction of the dining hall without a look back. Minho ran ahead of him, walking backwards so he could see his face as he asked, "are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Chan plastered a smile on his face, "just hungry. Come on, let's get to breakfast."

Minho saw right through Chan's fake smile. He was torn between finding out what was wrong and leaving Chan be. Maybe it was best not to push him...

-

Chan sat on the bottom bunk of his bed, a booklet open in his lap. The only light available for him to complete his homework by was the candle on his bedside table. He could have done it in the library where lamps were available but Minho refused to go to the library and Chan didn't want to go alone. A weak stream of sunlight filtered through the window, but as nightfall drew nearer, even that was disappearing.  On the bunk above him, Minho groaned and threw his pen onto his own booklet.

"Why can't they put a fucking light in this room!" He complained as Chan looked up at the creaking mattress above him, "I can't fucking read anything."

"Sit by the candle then," Chan said, shuffling back to make some room on the bed. He heard Minho moving around above him until his legs were visible, descending down the ladder.

"Next to you?" Minho asked with his booklet in one hand and a biro in the other.

"Yeah," Chan patted the pace, eyes flickering to the closed door for a moment before back to Minho, "it's the only place with ok lighting."

"Debatable. I really wouldn't say it's ok," Minho mumbled but climbed onto the bed beside Chan anyway, resting his booklet against his legs. From the candlelight, he could just about read the text on the page. A scoff left his lips, "all of this is about bible quotes. How am I supposed to get a job with this bullshit?"

"They don't want you to get a job," Chan admitted, filling in a missing word from the bible quote in his booklet, "they want you to become a monk so you can't leave."

"I'm not becoming a monk. That's insane. What is this, a cult?"

Chan shrugged, "probably but they get away with it."

"That's stupid," Minho muttered, "I'm getting out of here."

Chan gulped, grip on his pen tightening a little too hard.

"You ok?" Minho asked when he noticed.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Chan loosened his grip but Minho continued to stare at him until he asked the question that had been on his mind all day.

"Why were you crying last night?"

"What? I wasn't!"

"Isn't it like a sin to lie or something?" Minho asked as Chan's hands fell down to his lap. He added, "it's fine if you don't want to tell me. I just thought it might be nice to have someone to talk to or whatever."

"It was just..." Chan sighed, head peaking back up, "I don't know. I guess it's just because you assumed I'd never kissed anyone and it brought back some memories because you were wrong. I have kissed someone."

"Really? Who?"

"His name was Jisung. He was my roommate before you but he's been gone over a year now."

"Why? What happened?"

Chan shrugged, "I fell in love with him. He told me he loved me too and said we were going to get out of here together, but he left without me." 

"Oh," Minho muttered, "I'm sorry."

"He promised he would never leave me behind but he did. Even after we made a plan together."

"Maybe it was his only opportunity?"

"Maybe, but he promised... I just thought he would have told someone about this place by now but he didn't even do that. We were going to go to the police and expose this place but... nothing happened."

"Well, that's the first thing I'm going to do when I get out."

"You're going to try and leave too?" Chan asked, a disheartened look on his face.

"Well, I suppose I'll need your help if I'm going to manage it. We'll have to do it together."

Chan scoffed, shaking his head, "there's no getting out of this place. We're stuck here."

"Bullshit. I'm getting out of here if it's the last thing I do."

"Be careful saying that. It probably will be..."

-

Question of the chapter (that's right, I'm bringing this back): do you have a favourite character yet??

I mean realistically, it can probably only be Chan or Minho because everyone else sucks so I'll also ask:

Who is your least favourite character so far?

Thank you for reading! Have a great day :)