Fighting For What's Missing

43.

"Go ahead," David sighs. "Hit me."

Oh, I fucking want. I've never wanted to do something so badly in my life. Before I know it, my hands are curled into fists and I'm closer to him. I need to fucking hit him.

"Um, Will," Robbie says, his voice once again sounds so young and small. His hand is still on my chest. "Who is that?"

"David," I say through my teeth, "Agnes' birth father."

"Holy fuck," he breathes and grips my shoulder with his other hand.

"If you're not gonna hit me," David says, digging in his back pocket for something. "Here." He fishes out a piece of paper and holds it out in the space small between us. "It took me forever to find this. I'm sure in a couple of months, Falyn will give you more."

It takes me a second to realize that it's a photo, not a piece of paper. Glaring at him-he has Agnes' eyes-I snatch the photo from him. Before I have a chance to look at it, he speaks again.

"I don't...want..." he winces then violently shakes his head. Staring at him, I can't decide who Agnes looks more like, David or Falyn. "I loved...her, okay?"

Loved? I knew he gave up his parental rights, but he doesn't love or care about her anymore?

I peer down at the photo. Instantly, there are tears in my eyes and I'm fighting them while my throat closes up and burns. It's a photo of Agnes as a baby. I recognize her big blue eyes anyway. And her hair...even a few months old she had a lot of hair. In the photo, she's sitting on a blanket, on the grass, smiling brightly at whoever took the picture. She looks so joyful, so alive, clearly, her birth parents weren't with her.

The photo itself is old and has been tucked away for a long time. It's so fragile, I'll have to get it fix or something. I need this photo.

"My mother took it," David says. "She took care of Agnes must of the time...before she passed."

I can feel my bloodthirst return at the sound of her name coming out of his mouth. But it's only for a second, then it's gone. As much as I want to, I can't hate David, not truly hate him anyway. Without him, there would be no Agnes. Plus, knowing my little girl, she wouldn't be mad at him. She wouldn't hold on to that hate.

"I'm...sorry," David says drily.

I can't speak. The photo, it's just too much. I turn around and finally release my tears. Or they broke through. Either way, I'm crying.

Robbie pats my shoulder. "You should go," he tells David.

"Yeah."

I don't wait. I head inside and break down even move. I hate crying. I've never cried like this before.

And I wish David would hurry up and leave so I can go to my daughter.

I hear one of the doors open. "Hey," Robbie says. "Are you okay? What the hell happened out there? How do they keep finding you?" I chuckle through my tears as I turn to him and hold out the photo. He doesn't try to take it, and I love him more for it. "Agnes...?" He looks at me, and I nod. "She's adorable."

With my free hand, I use the inside of my shirt to wipe my tears. But more just pour out of me.

Robbie chuckles, looking away from the photo then at me. "Good luck scaring away all those boys."

"Don't," I warn him. "She's only eight, there's no way in hell I'm going to let her date any time soon."

He smiles. "I never said anything about dating. I said good luck scaring away all those boys."

"I will hit you," I say firmly. I love the kid, but he really needs to shut the hell up. "With my help, she won't be dating until she's forty."

"Ha!" He barks, throwing his head back. I roll my eyes.

"I'm going to see Agnes. Tell-"

"Can I go?"

"...never mind. Come on. In the car."

Agnes
A few months later...

Taking a deep breath, I take one last look at my suitcase then close the top and zip it up. Tisha recently explained to me because she's such good friends with Laura Valley, my caseworker, that it was easy to move me back to Portland. Daddy fostering me was a little harder than they expected, but they somehow managed it. I will have to go to a group home, but it's worth it.

*Knock Knock*

"Agnes?" Gloria says, leaning on the doorframe. "Ready?" She's taking me to Portland because daddy called at the last moment and said he couldn't make it.

"Yeah." I step back from the bed and play with the bracelet daddy made me. He wasn't kidding about it being a little messy-it is, but I absolutely love it.

Gloria crosses the room to me and grabs my suitcase off the bed. "It's only for a day or two, then you'll be home with your dad," she tells me in her soft voice. I nod. "Do you need a minute?" I nod again, and she smiles before leaving me alone.

I walk over and grab Night Fury off the desk.

"You were supposed to watch me for a day," I told daddy a very long time ago. I can remember it as clear as day; me sitting on the chair, daddy leaning on the desk, and we were eating. He didn't say anything after what I said, but I knew it meant a lot to him.

Under the desk is where daddy first said told me he loved me. I was so heartbroken about David giving up on me because for some reason I felt unwanted that I didn't see what he did for me. He gave me William, my real daddy.

"Agnes!" Tisha cries from downstairs. She's been crying all morning. It's hard to watch, but with the help of Robbie, I keep reminding myself that once I'm gone, she'll help another kid.

"Coming!" I tighten my hold on Night Fury and hurry out of daddy's room. I still call it daddy's room because Tisha does. She says it makes her happy, like she had a second chance with him.