The Five Dimensions Part 1: Shadow World

Chapter 31: Ash

He turned to Hailey and carefully said, "Do you mind? You know, me seeing..." The moment the words came out, he knew he said it the wrong way because Hailey looked straight at him as if he were crazy.

"It burns! I absolutely don't care what you see, just stop the burning!" she yelled. The pain in her voice was agonizing to Ash's ears and in seconds he reacted. The rags of her pajamas fell away instantly at his touch and soon her underwear and bra were the only things that covered her body.

Ash couldn't stop his eyes from wandering over them. He tried to convince himself he was purely inspecting her skin for any scratches. But he felt a twist in his gut that told him his body was reacting to her regardless. He forced himself to continue disinfecting even the smallest cuts. There were still some occasions where his eyes were lost from their intended purpose, but at some point, he managed to get angry enough with himself to finish all the disinfecting.

She was lucky that she didn't need any stitches. As it turned out, Ash hadn't been completely objective in his examination of her wounds. In truth, they were all relatively shallow and most stopped bleeding after only a short time. The source of Hailey's paleness hadn't been blood loss after all. Ash exchanged glances with Nix occasionally and he realized that she had known from the start that he was overreacting. Mercifully, she hadn't pointed it out though. Hailey was still clearly in pain, physical or otherwise.

Nevertheless, it took a while until they were completely finished disinfecting every single cut and scratch. When they finally did, Ash got up and turned around while Nix gave Hailey a towel. He knew not looking now wouldn't make any of a difference ― the image of Hailey's exposed body was printed in Ash's mind forever ― nevertheless, he believed the gesture would mean something to Hailey.

When Nix started giving her some instructions for going to the shower without reopening some of the larger cuts, Ash felt safe to turn around. Hailey was holding the towel around herself loosely to prevent it from touching any of her wounds.

"Don't let any soap get on the deep wounds and watch where you put your foot down," Ash insisted even though Nix had already told her this.

Hailey started to bend to get clothes out of her suitcase, but Ash stopped her from making that movement by putting his hand on her shoulder. He wanted to get something for her, so that she wouldn't have to bend and hurt herself, but Nix beat him to it. She gave Hailey grey sweatpants, a dark blue t-shirt, some underwear and a bra. Hailey smiled ― though her eyes still looked empty ― and took off.

The moment the door closed behind her Ash dropped down on the bed and let out a sigh he hadn't realized he was holding. With the back of his hand he wiped the sweat off his forehead. Nix came to sit next to him. For a while they didn't say anything, they just sat there. Ash could feel the redhead's gaze on him and waited for her to break the silence. When she finally did, he was surprised by how soft her voice was.

"I can see how she affects you emotionally and I do not like it. You cannot get involved with her like that or in any other way. Getting attached to her at all will break you and I would rather not have that," she whispered.

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I've tried to stop myself from feeling anything?" Ash replied without looking at her, but he could imagine her look. It was a mixture of sadness, disappointment and well-meant but inaccurate understanding.

"Try harder." Nix said this as if they were talking about something that could be achieved by enough practice.

"You just don't understand, Nix. That's the problem, it doesn't matter how hard I try. It hurts to be close to her because I know there's no future but it's agonizing not to be close to her too." He hid his face in his hands and bit his teeth together.

Then he got up suddenly. Nix looked startled. He excused himself quickly and went to the bathroom down the hall. He cleaned his hands of the dried blood that was still on them. After that, he splashed cold water on his face and stared at himself in the mirror. His dark brown hair hung down his face, heavy with sweat and still slightly damp from the snow. His eyes nearly matched the darkness of his hair; their usual blue color decreased to a dull grey. He stayed like that until he could regain himself. After taking one last deep breath Ash went back to Hailey's bedroom.

"She cannot sleep in that bed anymore," Nix said with a chuckle. The nonchalant tone was quite realistic, but Ash knew her long enough to sense her lingering discomfort.

At that moment, the door to the bathroom opened and Hailey entered the room. Her wet hair hung in strands around her face. It now had a darker blonde color than it normally did and the orange glow it got when the sun shone on it was gone but her eyes were still the same light brown as they always were. But the light in them was dimmed.

Ash was drawn into those eyes. They alarmed him but at the same time gave him a sense of comfort. From this distance there seemed to be only one color but Ash had seen before, when they had been so much closer, that there were blemishes in her eyes. He had been surprised to see them but grew attached to them shortly. Her eyes reflected perfectly who Hailey was. On the outside, she looked smooth and untouched but when you cared to study her with more attention, there were flaws to be found even though she hid them well. But the more flaws that Ash found, the more he was fascinated by her character.

He was awoken from his daze by Hailey's voice.

"What do I have to do with the towel?" Hailey asked, showing the white towel spotted with red. Ash's eyes left her face to examine the towel critically, but he turned his focus back to Hailey quickly, trying to find where she was bleeding. She tried to hide it, but he could clearly see the pain in her eyes.

"What happened?" he asked angrily. This emotion wasn't directed to Hailey though; it was directed to himself because he hadn't prevented her from hurting again.

"One of my cuts ripped open again, but it isn't bad," Hailey replied. Ash rushed to her side and stood close to her. He could feel his heartbeat rising.

"Let me see. Did you lose much blood?" The words scrambled out hurriedly. She put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

"It doesn't matter," she said with finality. He looked into her eyes to make sure she meant her words and found only honestly in them. That and the small marks that rippled the light brown.

She studied his eyes from a moment too but then her eyes averted to something behind Ash.

"Is that for me?" she asked eagerly. He turned around to see a plate standing on the nightstand. Leo must have brought that while he was washing his hands. Ash opened his mouth to answer her question, but Hailey already grabbed the food.

"I love donuts!" Hailey said, putting her teeth in the donut. The icing stuck to her lips as she chewed but then her free hand went to her side. Ash was already on his way to help her.

"Seriously, Ash, give the girl a break. She is tough, she can handle it," Nix said, rolling her eyes dramatically. He stopped in his tracks and looked at his best friend. He knew she was right, but he wanted to say something back anyway. Dozens of snappy comments already came to mind, but then he decided there wasn't really a point to it.