|8| hot tears and memories

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Grief isn't a passing time,
It's a scar that stays,
Slowly fades with time,
But never fully leaves.

~inessa Akin

(I'm not a poet but I couldn't find a poem for what I wanted this to say so I wrote my own)

*turn song on if you like!*
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Having such a good time yesterday helped subside the pain and memories of today, but now that I'm alone and there's no one I need to paint a smile for

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Having such a good time yesterday helped subside the pain and memories of today, but now that I'm alone and there's no one I need to paint a smile for...my feelings hit full force,

Today marks one of the most painful days in my life,

Its the day my father sacrificed his life for my mother,

Every year this day comes and goes, but it never gets easier, the pain doesn't subside, over time I've been able to come to terms that I have to move forward in my life and not stay in the past, but my father being gone doesn't ever get easier to deal with,

I miss him with my whole heart, he's the most kindhearted man out there, his love for my mom was so real and true, beautiful and pure, he would've and did do everything he possibly could for us, my mother and father's love is the kind I seek for my self,

The kind of love that makes you forget there's pain and tragedies in life,

The kind of love that fills your heart with joy, your body with love, and fuels you with undeniable worthy in their eyes, the kind of love that strengthens 0ver time and grows, the love that's worth it in the downs, the kind that flourishes in the rain and blooms after the storm.

Even as a little child it was impossible to not notice the love my parents shared, just the way my father looked at my mother when she rambled along about her day was enough to realize how much he cared for her, his face relaxed in her presence and it seemed any amount of stress he was under from work would be removed with just a smile from her, we would watch movies together and my dad would just look at his wife sleeping on his shoulder instead of the movie,

Even as a small child I knew I wanted that when I grew up, I wanted that kind of love, I wanted someone to love me at my lowest, and my ugliest and most vulnerable, I want us to cherish the little moments together, and never take each other for granted, I want us to only grow stronger over time and not let our love fade away.

Remembering how mesmerized he was by her smile alone and the love she would give both of us, it breaks my heart, it pains me to know I'll never be able to speak to him, he's gone

Along with my mother.

When I was younger I convinced myself my father was still here since his heart was beating for my mother, and that way I was still able to hold onto a piece of him so he was still here in a way, but after my mothers passing I felt more alone then ever, it was official that he was gone, that they were both gone and I had to grieve that, I had to mourn that loss and still till this day it gets difficult

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