|30| i'd rather kiss him as a beast

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To have someone understand
Your mind is a different kind
Of intimacy.

~urbanrealism

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Waking up the next morning, my skin explodes in goosebumps still remembering the memories of last night, he made it everything my time with David was not, the tears and blood along with the all-consuming dirty feeling I would get after David, was ...

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Waking up the next morning, my skin explodes in goosebumps still remembering the memories of last night, he made it everything my time with David was not, the tears and blood along with the all-consuming dirty feeling I would get after David, was nowhere to be found this morning,

I didn't use the word moon, because I didn't need it, I didn't think of the word once, Aaron made sure to take his time, going whatever pace I was comfortable with so I could have that control back and not have my mind go back to the nights where I would get raped,

He would check in and ask if I was okay from time to time, to which he would get a nod in response since I could barely think straight,

I feel so much closer to Aaron now that we have taken that big step, I was nervous about him seeing my body when he was sober but he smiled and told me

"Beautiful" he muttered against my skin "absolutely beautiful"

"Do you know how beautiful you are sunshine?" He told me bringing his lips close to my ear

I didn't say anything because I honestly didn't,

I never got told how beautiful my body was by David, in fact, he once took a bag of chips from me and told me that my stomach needed a break from that layer of fat that was there,

I wasn't overweight...I was a perfect weight, it's not like he had to worry about my health,

He didn't understand that no matter how much weight I lost that the little pooch would most likely still be there, it's just the way my body is...and I don't want to starve myself just to get rid of some of it...

I'm a size small, so for him to have told me to drop the chips was extremely unnecessary,

As I grew up I realized that men's opinions on our bodies aren't important, they're not the ones who have our bodies or get to control them,

Their bodies weren't built for periods or to go through childbirth, their bodies aren't built like ours...there not built that strong.

He took my silence as me thinking I'm not beautiful, and he made sure by the end of the night I knew I was beautiful,

I remember tracing the scar on his side where he got his kidney taken out, I kissed the scar and smiled, I love his scar, it's proof of a memory that's forever engraved in my mind, his complete selflessness and caring heart...

And the scar is hot...but that's entirely not the point,

I remember touching the scar and telling him "this right here is one of the many things that prove you're a kind man, no cruel man would've given a damn organ to someone"

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