Past Trauma

Part 2

The next part of Jane Doe's experience takes place at the young age of 8. She was called over to a trusted person by the family, no one was around. Abuser 2 made Jane Doe promise to keep it a secret otherwise she would get in trouble. Jane Doe was confused, what would she get in trouble for? She hadn't done anything wrong had she? Jane Doe reluctantly agreed, still confused about what was happening. He told her to look at his computer, she was very disturbed as to what she saw on the large screen. Why would this guy make her watch this? Jane Doe didn't understand.

Abuser 2 continued to make Jane Doe watch porn for nearly 3 months and she didn't think it could get worse, but somehow it did. He started making her do more and more. It started out small with the porn but got worse and worse, moving on to Abuser 2 making Jane Doe touch herself infront of him, then to making her let him touch her.

Then he started to pressure her to give him hand jobs, then blow jobs. Abuser 2 also started to force her to let him finger her and go down on her. 

It didn't matter home many times Jane Doe told Abuser 2 that she didn't like any of it, he didn't listen, it was almost like he didn't wanna know or he didn't care and Jane Doe still doesn't know which it is. 

One day at the age of 11, Jane Doe was at school and had gone to the bathroom to make sure none of the hickeys that she had gotten the night before was showing when a friend of hers walked in and saw the hickeys. Jane Doe covered up the hickeys before walking away from her friend and back to class before she could ask her about it. At the time Jane Doe didn't hide it for the reason you think, it wasn't because of the abuse and was afraid of what would happen. She hid it because she was embarrassed and ashamed, she blamed herself, and she felt like it was her fault. So she didn't tell anyone.

That same year Jane Doe had to do a self-defence course for teens with the rest of the girls in her year. They started with the different types of abuse, first was physical, then emotional, next was neglect, and finally was sexual abuse. Jane Doe got extremely uncomfortable during this conversation as she realised that what had been happening to her wasn't her fault at all, not even in the slightest. It was sexual abuse. 

One day, about three to three and a half years after it started, it finally stopped. Jane Doe was confused as to why it just stopped, but relieved. It felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. The number of times she had to lie to her friends about things like how she got a hickey or three.

When you have experienced sexual abuse for your entire childhood and you look back on it, it all kind of just merges together and you don't really know exactly when everything happened. Jane Doe doesn't remember a whole lot before the age of about 10, and what she does remember is very vague, the only thing that has really stuck with her and can remember clearly was the sexual abuse. She was also emotionally abused and neglected by her mother since she was a baby.