Noxious

48 | end it please

Kyle

I didn't want this. 

I didn't want any of it because it hurt so damn much. 

I had tried to tell them that this would happen, I knew this would happen, and it had terrified me. We should have just taken our chances out on the road, running as we had been, because at least we could still be together. 

But, when I looked into Charly's eyes on that train car, I saw nothing but exhaustion. She was tired of running and she was terrified of what would happen if we didn't. There was so much conflict there, and I didn't have the heart to tell her that it wouldn't work. 

We had made a mistake turning ourselves in. 

Now, I sat in a jail cell alone. 

My last glimpses of them were etched into my brain. I couldn't even sleep because it haunted me. 

Charly's tear-stained cheeks and terrified eyes as she was dragged away from me. Rowan's pale and clammy skin as he was loaded into the ambulance. Tommy's soft smile that told me everything would be okay right before I jumped off the train. 

Rowan wouldn't even know what happened when he woke. 

I just knew I wouldn't be there. 

I hated that.

On the twenty-eight-hour drive home--a place I really couldn't call that anymore--the officers had answered very few of my questions but I got an idea what was going on. 

They wanted to keep us separate so there was no chance we could align our stories and provide false information in the courtroom. They thought we would lie about what happened, and I would have laughed at them if I wasn't hurting from losing my siblings. 

I felt like I had just found them. 

Through the years of assuming they were horrible people, I had convinced myself I hated them and I had done it on misinformation from my dad. It was horrible to think that our childhoods had been ruined by misunderstandings. 

It had been two days since I was brought back to the city. I stayed in that cell for the entire duration. Pacing, staring at the ceiling, and feeling empty, until Officer Layden finally came for me at the end of the second day. 

"Why is it taking so long?" I asked him as he unlocked my cell. 

"Your sister is currently on trial," Officer Layden answered my question, understanding the context of what I meant, "Don't worry, it won't be long until it's your turn." 

"Is Rowan okay?" 

Officer Layden sighed, "Yes. Don't ask too many questions, I'm not supposed to be telling you anything." 

"Then why are you here?" 

"They suspect substance abuse," Officer Layden said, "The court requested that you do a drug test before the trial begins." 

A few weeks ago, the old me would have panicked. He would have known he was fucked with the drugs in his system. But, I wasn't. I knew I had been clean for more than a week now. For the first time in my life, I hadn't done any drugs.  

I calmly stood up, "Fine." 

It was quick. I only got the leave the cell for about twenty minutes for my drug test until I was right back in it. I flopped down on the hard bed and tucked my arms under my head. I was growing tired of waiting. 

My thoughts were constantly churning. My heart hadn't stopped hurting. I just wanted to see my siblings again. 

Tommy.