The Writer's Heart

10

JESSIE WASN'T sure why her heart had convinced her mind to show up at the party. She'd expected Gina to reconsider the invite, but that didn't happen, though she hoped it would.

Why was she there, in a backyard full of people, who were friends and family of Marilyn and Gina?

"Jess," Marilyn's voice made her tense. Jessie looked into those warm eyes, and felt her heart thumping.

"Happy Birthday, Doctor Isles," Jessie looked away, and grabbed the little, red box from her purse.

"You didn't have to—" Marilyn attempted to hesitate, as Jessie placed the gift into her hand.

"It's your birthday, of course I do," a smile graced Jessie's face, even with her discomfort.

"The surprise wasn't the best. My chances of getting a heart attack have increased now, you know."

Jessie looked around, and noticed the stage with a live band. They played soft music to go with the atmosphere, "I missed the surprise. I would've loved to scare the shit out of you," Jessie teased.

"It's been a rough day already. I don't need the extra anxiety."

Jessie saw the conflict on Marilyn's face. What had happened? Why did she seem so sad?

"Babe, I've been looking for you," Gina wrapped her arm around Marilyn's waist, and leaned in. Marilyn sighed. Gina wasn't going to accept a separation without a fight.

"Gina, thanks for inviting me," Jessie felt her entire stomach twist. It wasn't what she needed at the moment—to see them together.

"You're like our best friend now. We're both going to miss you when you're gone," Gina said.

Jessie noticed the hint of sarcasm in Gina's voice. She understood though. If Marilyn was hers, she'd be the most possessive partner, "I'll miss you guys too," Jessie mumbled.

They all directed their attention to the stage, "I'm not really into the music, honestly," Gina frowned. She'd booked the band last minute, and options were limited.

"I'm pretty sure they're stoned," Jessie said. Marilyn tried to slip out of Gina's grasp, but it wasn't easy.

"What's this?" Gina asked. Gina grabbed Jessie's gift out of Marilyn's hand, and speculated it. Both Jessie and Marilyn's eyes focused on Gina, as she opened the box, "a pendrive?"

Jessie smiled weakly, as her eyes travelled over Marilyn's face, "it's the novella about World War Two," Jessie explained.

Gina noticed the glimmer in Marilyn's eyes, as she took the pendrive out of her hand, "really? I didn't think you'd let me read it," Marilyn's smile was the brightest that it had been for the entire day.

"I thought both you and Gina would like it," Jessie looked back and forth between the two.

"That's so sweet of you, Jessie," Gina forced a smile.

"Yeah, best present so far," Marilyn's chest tingled with excitement, though Gina's uneasiness didn't go unnoticed.

"I can sing better than those emo teens up there," Jessie said to change the topic. She sensed the sudden tension, and didn't want to savor it.

"Oh really?" A devious smile spreaded its way onto Gina's lips.

JESSIE LOOKED at the audience, as her name was cheered distinctively. Her eyes flickered over the strange faces of the people at the party. She couldn't believe that she'd allowed Gina to talk her onto stage, but wasn't willing to disappoint.

She smiled. A smile that she'd always plastered on her face—a smile that she'd used to lie to those around her, even herself. She smiled to hide her fears—to hide her doubts. Jessie smiled to hide the pain behind her hazel eyes. She didn't want anyone to know that she was lost—that she was insecure.

"I wrote this song a long time ago. And I guess it's the best time than any to share it," Jessie allowed her fingers to graze over the guitar in her hands. It rested perfectly on her thigh, helping to hold it in place. The stool that she sat on was cold, but soft. Her jeans fitted tightly around her lean legs, and her jacket prevented her arms from the chill of the night. She looked down at her instrument—one of the first that she'd learnt to play. The crowd cheered. Whistles erupted. Shouts stung her eardrums. She felt like crying. But she wouldn't allow herself to. Not in that moment. Everyone wanted to hear her voice. The voice that sounded good enough as long as you had some alcohol in your system. Her eyes glistened with anxiety—with insecurity. She'd never let her words reflect her life like it did in that song. That song was her lullaby—her love. It depicted the only person who she'd really loved—the love of her life, "this song was written for someone very special. It's named All For You," her eyes closed, and heart pounded. She'd been going through a rough patch, and in that moment, she'd sing the song that she'd written for the most important person who'd set foot into her life.

Running her fingers over the strings, her heart leapt inside of her chest. It's time to shine.

"I've loved your eyes
From the first time I saw you.
I've held you close,
Without resistance.
Oh, there's no home,
Without your footsteps.
There is no love,
Without your heart..."

Jessie felt a tear escaping her right eye, streaming down her cheek, and sliding off of her chin. Every word that passed through her lips was sincere—the most sincere that she'd ever been.

"You radiate warmth
As I hold you,
Your laugh brings
My pain to ease.
You make me strong
With every breath that you breathe..."

Sinking her teeth into her bottom lip, she continued to move her fingers agilely over the strings, creating a soothing harmony in the ears of listeners. Jessie's tears were rolling down her cheeks without her permission. Her heart swelled inside of her chest. Jessie smiled—a sincere smile. Inhaling a deep breath, she looked up into the crowd. Their hands were lifted in the air. Their faces expressed a solemness that she appreciated. Clearing her throat, and bringing the microphone closer to her lips, she stared into the crowd, aimlessly so.

At the end of the song, Jessie felt her heart racing, as applause erupted throughout the backyard. A few men and women rose their glasses in salute, and some even hammered the palms of their hands onto the tables.

Marilyn's eyes met hers, and her throat choked up. Why did she have to feel so much for the wrong person?

Jessie rushed off of the stage, and headed straight through the house. When she reached the porch, she let out a painful sigh. She'd held in so many emotions for the past few weeks, that she exploded in one moment. Her breathing was heavy, and body was shutting down, "Jess?" Marilyn grabbed Jessie just before she fell to the floor, and helped her onto the porch swing.

"I'm... I'm sorry," Jessie muttered, as she flung her head back, and covered her face with her hands. Her entire body was flushed.

"What's wrong? Did I say something?" Marilyn placed her hand on Jessie's arm. Jessie removed her hands from her face to reveal puffy cheeks and eyes.

"No," as Jessie looked into those warm, blue eyes, her feelings exploded in her chest. If she wasn't sure before, she was definitely falling for Marilyn Isles.

"I'm worried. Being on stage seemed to trigger something inside of you. Who's the song about, Jess?" Marilyn assumed that it was about someone who broke Jessie's heart in the past—it seemed to be a love song.

"I think I'll call it a night," Jessie got up, but was pulled back down.

"Jess, please," Marilyn could feel the pain on Jessie's shoulders. And all she wanted to do was take it away.

"Is everything okay out here?" Gina came out with the most speculating eyes, causing Jessie's heart to hurt even more.

"Yes, I was just leaving," Jessie got up without Marilyn's interference, "it was fun. I'll see you both sometime when I get back, maybe," Jessie rushed off of the porch, and headed straight to her car. Marilyn wanted to run after her, but couldn't—not with Gina right there watching her every move.