The Writer's Heart

19

MARILYN DIDN'T want to head back to work, but she had to. Leaving Jessie alone in such a vulnerable state broke her. She picked up on pieces, but didn't get the full picture. What made Jessie so sad?

After a long day of worrying, she was finally off of work. She'd noticed the questionable stares from her employees. They were probably suspecting more than they should've been.

Pressing the doorbell, Marilyn clasped her hands in front of her. She'd found herself touching her lips all day, reminiscing on the taste of Jessie. Her heartbeats sped in pace, and she swallowed. They kissed. It felt so surreal. Marilyn had been avoiding Jessie for the past few days. But as soon as she saw Jessie, she instantly craved for her. It was sometimes easy for Marilyn to shut down—to not think or feel. That's what she'd done. After everything seemed to be spinning out of control, she took a step back to breathe. The things that she felt for Jessie were scary, and honestly, she wasn't sure if those feelings were reciprocated.

Jessie had confessed that she'd felt the same. But that didn't mean they'd live happily ever after. Nothing in real life worked that way.

When Jessie opened the door, she seemed more put together than before. The freckles on her cheeks were the most adorable things, and Marilyn wished that she wouldn't cover them up with makeup, "hey," Marilyn walked in, and Jessie closed the door. An immediate rush of excitement ran through them both, but also fear.

"Work ran a bit late. I'm sorry," Jessie led Marilyn over to the couch, where her two felines tackled them, "I missed you guys too."

They purred and rubbed against Marilyn's chest. Jessie pouted, "that's so unfair. What happened to my cuddles?" Marilyn grinned and moved closer to Jessie on the couch, "they love you," Jessie said.

They looked at each other and smiled. Maybe, it's not such a bad thing. Jessie intertwined their hands and shifted, "Jess, I know it's personal, but—"

Jessie hushed Marilyn, "I'll tell you," Jessie said. Marilyn inhaled a breath. She focused her eyes on Jessie's, and steadied her breathing, "it's something that I don't tell a lot of people," Jessie sighed, "it's not something I like to share—" Jessie hesitated. Marilyn caressed Jessie's hands with her thumbs.

"Whatever it is, I'm right here," Marilyn assured.

"As I said before, I had the boys lined up... Well, there was this particular senior who was obsessed with me. I wasn't the girl to accept offers for dates, or hangout with a lot of boys. I just never felt the need to, and we both know why," Jessie sighed again. God, I can't believe I'm going to tell her, "he was my first and my last, to easily put it," Jessie pressed her lips together. Marilyn sensed a but, "I got pregnant," Jessie looked down. Her body began to tremble. And Marilyn noticed. Marilyn suspected that much. She'd overheard the argument that Jessie had with her mother.

"Girl or boy?" Marilyn lifted Jessie's chin with her fingers, and flashed a comforting smile.

"She was beautiful. Pink, little hands, and the cutest feet. Her eyes were just like mine. Big and brown and full of life," your eyes aren't that lively anymore.

"What's her name?" Marilyn noticed how Jessie spoke in the past tense. She tightened her hold on Jessie's hand, and leaned forward. The tears sliding down Jessie's cheeks broke Marilyn's heart.

"Lily," Jessie gulped.

"That's beautiful," Marilyn held her breath. Please don't tell me it is what I think it is.

"She died a few years ago."

There was a moment of pause. Marilyn closed her eyes, and processed the information. No wonder Jessie was so torn up. She couldn't imagine losing someone so precious, "she'll always be in your heart, Jess," Marilyn placed her hand over her chest. There was nothing more comforting that she could come up with.

"Yeah," Jessie leaned against Marilyn's chest. Her mind told her to move, but her heart disagreed. I deserve to be happy. She chanted in her head. But her brain wouldn't process it.

Marilyn ran her fingers through Jessie's hair, and whispered reassurances in her ear. Jessie tried to not smile. Marilyn always seemed to make her smile. With one lock opened, the keys kept shedding. Each heartfelt confession led to another and another. And by the time the night was over, they'd fallen asleep in each other's arms, safely and peacefully.