Sun and Moon

I Pulled Them - 23rd March

In almost 18 years of existence

I have had my heart broken

Always, always

By men who didn't step into the light

Who always kept themselves in their shadows

So I pulled them.

The first time that I got hurt was when

My dad left me when all I could only speak was, "Dada"

I didn't know why he left but 

The memory of him leaving the house

Without kissing me good bye

While holding bags of clothes

Was instilled in my head

They let me watch it

I didn't cry at all because

I knew he would come back later that day

He didn't though;

That's when I pulled him into the light

And saw that he could leave and let me go

Just like that.

The next time I got hurt by a man was when 

I sincerely liked a college guy

While I was still in 7th grade

I was so idealistic about it

And I just thought that age didn't matter

Because he was so good to me

Or so I thought

Until I pulled him into the light and

I saw that

He only wanted by innocent, untouched 

Undeveloped body

He was a groomer and a pedophile.

I don't wanna tell all the times I got hurt so

The next time I got hurt most was when

I settled to be pursued online

Without any effort

Just the pretty face and the deep voice

The shocking height and 

Surprisingly compatible twin earth signs

At first it felt magical because

I didn't really like getting physically connected

It was ideal for me because we just spent a lot of time

In the little screens while talking about how we'll meet soon

Until I pulled him to the light and

I saw that he really is just a pretty face; he cheated on me.

The next time was when 

I fell in love with a close friend

And he was the standard

He was the reason why I'm so high maintenance

Why I keep my standards high

He taught me that I deserve the best

Until I pulled him into the light

Even though he wasn't ready

And even in so much pain, he admitted that he can't be the best

But no, I told him that I can and I will help him go through it, conquer it, and be okay

But he left me; because he said he wasn't the best.

The next time was when 

I fell in love right before summer

I was the one who pursued this guy

Because I was so confident and 

I didn't realize quickly what kind of a guy

I'm nuzzling myself into

Because he was another pretty face

Another deep voice

Another shocking height

And another twin earth signs

So I pulled him into the light

He didn't cheat on me

He loved me

In fact, all he ever did was

Love me

But he wasn't willing to give me the time,

The efforts, the assurance, the compliments

Everything

He thought that, not cheating was enough

He thought that, "I love you"s were enough

And then he disappeared for some unknown reason

That still get me questioning,

"What have I done wrong?"

The next time is this time

Are you going to hurt me too?

Are you going to leave me without a kiss?

Chase me because of my body, cheat on me

Leave me for not being who you want to be,

Or disappear on me?

An all-or-nothing Venus water sign

Leaves the needy Venus air sign without any options

So she settled on you

She wants this to last

Until she didn't have to pull you into the light

Because you stepped in

With this, she saw how much you are trying

How much you love her

And how much you want her in your future

She didn't only want this to last

After that, she was determined to make it last.