The Unknown Subject [Spencer Reid x OC]

XXII

I hate needles.

I know i'm an adult now so I shouldn't think they're such a big deal, but I guess I never grew out of my fear of them. The reason I bring this up is because I just got back from my sentencing hearing about a week ago, and I was given the death penalty. It took the judge less than ten minutes to make their decision. I've seen the needles they use for execution, and all the drugs they shove in you. First they sedate you, i'm not sure what the point in that is though. Then they paralyze your muscles, which includes your lungs. The cherry on top is they stop your heart. All together, my last moments will have be paralyzed, suffocating, sedated and in cardiac arrest. Did I mention my date of execution is in four months? At least i'll be here for Christmas.

In all honesty, prison isn't as bad as I thought. Sure everyone in here is a cocktail of murderers, rapists and thieves, but considering, most of the girls get along just fine.

The last time I saw anyone who wasn't a convicted felon was at my sentencing hearing. Rossi and Emily were there, basically just flies on the wall, sitting at the very back of the room. They didn't speak to me that day, not that I blame them. When the guards took me away I did manage to glance at them for a second, and I actually caught them looking at me as well. They looked almost disappointed with my sentence, or maybe they were just trying to hide their satisfaction.

I was hoping I would see Spencer at my hearing. I haven't seen him since the trial 2 months ago, and he barely even looked at me. The only time I got to see him was when he was on the stand, testifying against me. He looked like he'd aged five years in the week between the interrogation and the trial. Even with that he still looked amazing. I can't imagine the stress he's under, the trial, his job and having to take care of Finn.

Oh my sweet boy. I cant believe I won't see him grow up when i've already missed so much of his life. I haven't got enough with time with him yet. I haven't memorized his laugh or the way he smiles. I don't know what vegetables he likes and doesn't like, we didn't have time to try them all. He isn't even out of a car seat yet, how is that fair? I know a lot people see what I did as wrong, but I was getting justice, I was doing the right thing. There are so many mothers less deserving than I who get to see their sons go to school, who get to learn their favourite sweets and who get to see their fourth birthday.

I need to see him. How could I not?

I sit up from my bed, and look down at my jumper. Orange is not my colour. I stand and walk outside of my cell. It's free time for the girls on death row, our schedule is apart from the main population of the prison. During free time we have pretty much free roam of our section and supervised access to the yard. Theres a guard stationed a few feet from my cell, so I start towards her first. When I get close enough she stand straighter and flashes me a smile. The ladies in here are quite fond of me and my.....career path, even the guards.

I return the smile and stop in front of her, "Hey Nala!"

"Ivy! Nice to see you this morning! Anything I can help with? You look like you're on a mission." She smirks.