Something Nice {Larvis}

4. My head

TW: suicide

____________________________

{next day at school}

I walked into the building, the building I almost hated more than my house. It was time to start making amends fully.

I felt as if I was floating as I walked. I didn't look anyone in the eye. I smelt a brief stench of cigarettes. I had most likely walked passed larry considering that was his natural scent.

For once when I walked up to my locker I didn't say anything to Fisher despite him being right next to me. No remarks about him being a faggot or his stupid "face".

I just opened it and stared forward. Not wanting to make eye contact with the boy. This was all part of the plan. I ignore first, if they ask any questions or try to be buddy buddy with me I give them the same energy back. Might even initiate the conversation at some point... but I really don't think I'm ready for that yet.

I noticed a note had been planted in my locker. I picked the note up, Turing it over to read it. 'Meet me outside after school, we need to talk.' - Larry J.' My nose scrunched up. What could he possibly want? I sighed, knowing I would have to go talk to him to draw any suspicion from myself. I can't have my plans ruined.

I placed the note in my hoodie pocket, feeling plenty of other things in my pocket, small capsules surrounded my hand, I carefully removed my hand from my pocket, trying not to let any pills fall out. I succeeded, making me smile, a genuine smile. "Why are you smiling? Something good happen?" The boy beside me asked. I looked over to him, my genuine smile turning fake. "I guess you could say that.." I said with slight delight. I closed my locker, of course not before grabbing the things I needed from it. I walked away, not wanting to continue the conversation and spill something that would tarnish my chances of my desired death.

My death that could come sooner than expected...

The truth was, I took a shit load of pills hoping to die. I felt fucking sick, I felt like I was going to throw up but I would hold it down. I pushed away my thoughts and walked into my first class of the day.

I didn't pay attention to the teacher at all. Instead I looked down at my notebook. I started to feel like I wasn't in my body. Once I started writing I couldn't stop. Those thoughts that I had pushed down earlier had come back. And this time they wouldn't go away.

'Get out of my head. Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head.Get out of my head..'

I stopped once my pencil had snapped. I looked down at the paper. Feeling eyes on me. I flipped to a new page. I looked to the side of me and saw the brown haired male, he wasn't staring at me but instead staring at my now empty page. The teacher had moved desks into 2's, assigning me and Larry to sit by eachother. Just my luck, i know. He made eye contact with me, looking slightly concerned. We stayed like that for a while. Not saying a word to eachother. That was until the bell had rung, signaling for us to go to the next class. I stood up quickly, noticing Larry putting his things away, but stopping and looking up at me.

I stumbled, still feeligg my sick from all of those pills. I knew I was going to throw up if I didn't get to a bathroom soon. "Tra-" I ran off before Larry could say anything else.

The feeling of floating on clouds still surged through my body as I made it to the nearest bathroom. I didn't hesitate to run into a stall, not bothering to close it behind me. I gagged into the toilet, immediately throwing up the little food I had eaten in the past day. I felt a extremely hot. The normally cold bathrooms had suddenly gone up in temperature.

Get.

Out.

Of.

My.

Head.

I threw up even more into the toilet. Once again I had become extremely afraid. It wasn't my time yet. I still had things to do. I rested my head on my arm that had been rested on the toilet seat. It was extremely gross but I was in so much pain that I couldn't even care.

I hadn't even confronted my father yet and Im already choosing to die. What a coward. If I don't have the balls to face him then I really do deserve to die.

I thought back to those words he said to me the day I almost went through hanging myself. The more I thought about them, the more the pain in my neck caused by the still very visible makes burned.

Get

Out

Of

My

Head.

I held my throat tightly. Almost suffocating myself. I started to cough, causing more vomit to come up from my throat. My headache grew.

I felt the bathroom engulf in darkness. Not because of me passing out. Oh. I knew what this was. I had seen this darkness many times in 'church'.

I didn't know the red eyed demon liked to torture the school.

I started hearing whispers. They got louder and louder.

Images started flashing through my head. Images of previous victims of my father and the cult. I started to hyperventilate.

Get

Out

Of

My

Head.

This has happened many times before. I've seen many victims. One of them being a blonde women...

I knew who this women was. I resented Sal for being a victim of my father. I was so blinded that I thought there was a reason he was a victim. I thought my father was in the right. Now I know. Now I know not to trust anything my father says. Now I know not to follow the demon.

The whispers suddenly stopped and I once again found myself in the bathroom. The cause of the sudden peace was someone coming into the bathroom.

"Phelps?"

Just my fucking luck.