three hearts in one home (l.s.)

14. French toasts and visits

I don’t think I’ve ever felt better than when I wake up with Louis in my arms the next morning. He looks way more peaceful than last night and his eyes flutter slightly.
I think about pressing a quick kiss to his forehead, but like always, I’m not brave enough to do that.

“Hi”, Louis mumbles and I immediately start smiling when I hear his voice.
“Hi.”

He turns around so he’s facing me and tries to open his eyes. “Thanks.”

Opening his eyes again, he sees the confused look on my face and adds: “For yesterday. For making me feel okay. For being there.”

There’s this warmth spreading in my chest and a smile on my lips.
“You’re more than welcome.”

He moves closer so he’s facing me and then he quickly presses a kiss to my cheek what makes my whole face heat up.

“I'll go get Jonah. Would you like breakfast before I take you to the hospital?”
He nods shyly, I think he doesn’t want to admit he’d like me to make him breakfast but I don’t want him to think he’s a burden when all I want is to help him.

“Okay. Wait here, I’ll be back soon.”
I head to the hallway and wake Jonah up carefully. It doesn’t take him long before he throws Stacey onto the bed and runs to Louis’ bedroom to say good morning.

I head to the kitchen, make some cereal for Jonah and wait for him to come back to tell me what Louis likes for breakfast.

“He likes a lot. He likes cereal but only when he is lazy and doesn’t want to do anything else. He likes pancakes too. And he likes tea. Or maybe he likes toast with egg and sugar. I forgot the name.”

I smile and thank him and start trying to make French toast as fast as possible.
It isn’t that hard and I manage to choose an outfit for Jonah in between.

“Oh, shut up, you didn’t have to”, Louis mutters and blushes when I place the tray on his lap.

“I wanted to”, I say and shrug, “Pancakes would have taken too long.”
He slaps my arm before pulling me into a quick hug and happily starts eating.
“Thank you”, he says with full mouth and grins at me.

I walk out of the room again to help Jonah pack his schoolbag and tie his shoes. “Daddy’s still eating, he takes forever”, I say and roll my eyes. Jonah does the same before shouting: “Daddy, come here, we leaving.”

Louis limps out of his bedroom and grins, still wearing the shirt and joggers he’s been wearing for days now.

“Sorry, boys”, he says and sits down on the chair standing in the hallway to tie his shoes, “Had to eat my breakfast first.”

Jonah giggles and hands Louis his coat before we leave the flat, Jonah’s hand in mine and Louis trying to follow us down the stairs without falling.

~~~

I’m a little nervous when I drive to the hospital again after dropping J of at school and getting groceries.
What if he’s not okay? What if he needs to go to the hospital again, what if we won’t be alright?

I park the car right in front of the entrance and wait for Louis to get out of the door, impatiently bouncing my foot up and down.

I see a thousand people coming out of the hospital but none of them are Louis and I feel myself getting more and more nervous, why is he not there?

Why is he late, what if something went wrong?

When he finally gets out of the building, walking on crutches and a smile on his face when he spots me, I feel so relieved. He looks alright, he’s fine.

“Hi”, Louis says when he enters the car, throwing his crutches on the backseat and trying to get comfortable, “Sorry, they took a little longer than expected.”

I glare at him and he frowns. “Did I do something wrong?”

I slap his arm and cross mine in front of my chest. “You fucking idiot, you can’t always be late, I was worried
something was off.”
I watch him going from confused to smiling and he stares at me fondly for some time before he leans over the middle console to hug me tightly.

“You’re sweet, I’m sorry for worrying but everything’s just fine. I only need to come for my leg anymore, my head’s okay.”

I smile with my head on his shoulder and let go of the hug again before starting the engine and taking a turn to drive home again.

I notice Louis being extremely quiet, next to me and I wonder what’s wrong because he said the visit went just fine.

“Louis?”, I ask and he just hums and keeps staring out of the window.

“Louis?”, I ask a little louder this time and he finally turns to me.
He smiles at me and then tries to say something but stops himself again.

“Talk to me”, I say, my voice sounding pressed.
He shrugs. “I”, he starts and stops again, “Um.”

I raise and eyebrow and wait for him to continue talking, I try not to pressure him but I want him to be okay.

“I told you my mum passed six months ago yesterday?”
I nod quickly, already regretting that I pressured him into saying this because maybe he’s not comfortable with talking to me about all of this.

“Yes. Look, if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s totally fine too, I just thought that-“

“No”, he interrupts me, “I just, I was thinking of visiting her, I mean, her grave, obviously but, um, it’s one and a half hours away and you’d have to drive me.”

“Oh”, is all I say at first because it's probably stupid that I feel relieved when he says that but I already was afraid it was something worse and if it’s just him hesitating to ask for help once again, I’m already used to this.

“Um, forget it”, Louis says, “that was a stupid thing to ask, I don’t even know what I was thinking it probably makes you really uncomfortable, sorry, can we just forget this conversation?”

I frown and shake my head, still trying to concentrate on the road. “Louis, it wasn’t stupid. Of course, I’ll drive you there, love, you don’t even need to hesitate and stop being so diffident and just ask me for help if you need it.”

He smiles now and I wish I could watch his smile a little longer but I need to concentrate on the road, sadly.

“Okay”, he whispers, “Then drive me to my mum, please.”

~~~
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