Memento Mei.
Remember Me.
As I am, not as I was.
Life is challenging enough as it is.
For Skyelle life's challenges go beyond that. Life is a nuisance, a road block to the bittersweet end she desires. Cloaked in an ever present depression stemming...
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🌪 (A/n: Story time! the song referenced in here is called, Sinful Blue, and I wrote it at 17 when I was sinking into a really dark place in my life and saw no way out. It's about my own depression, feeling trapped in the room my stepdad kept me in for three years, and my suicide attempt when I was fourteen. It's talking about how their extreme religious beliefs made all the dark inside of me feel evil and wrong. I just wasn't praying enough, too headstrong, too spirited, too curious for my own good. Jehovah's Witnesses aren't suppose to feel angry or out of control, they aren't suppose to imagine magical creatures. Because they're demons. I wasn't suppose to find bats cute or think eerie things like skeleton trees or fog were beautiful, and I most definitely wasn't supposed to feel safe in everyone else's idea of a nightmare. Everything that I was, that I felt, that I loved - was sinful. My imagination was what ostracized me in a cult that'd already ostracized me from the rest of the world. My entire underage years were nothing but loneliness and never feeling understood or heard. I was just screaming into a void, and no one could hear it. And it consumed me. Sometimes it comes back to the surface even today, but I'm better at fighting back now.
It was at this time in my life that I also wrote the lines to a short stanza of poetry that I've always felt articulated perfectly my imaginary friends that I was forbidden to play with (after a lapse in judgement on my part where I told my family about them)and just how fucked my childhood was that I leaned so heavily on their existence to survive. Soren (ram horns, I called him a fairy as a little girl), Luka (neko), Niko(werewolf), Valentine(vampire), and Fai(Angel): the origin harem apparently lol.
The last time I waited for them to come save me was on my 18th birthday if that's any inclination to how bad it was. They all filled a void I needed to thrive but never received. Soren was violently loyal and sought justice in my honor. Luka distracted me from the bad with play pretend and games. Niko urged me on, supported and encouraged me. Valentine was my silent guardian always waiting and watching from the shadows, bloodthirsty and full of rage for all I went through. And Fai was motherly, he'd pet my hair and kiss my booboos, sing me to sleep, and tell me everything would be okay one day. One to give me justice, one to give me joy, one to root for me and one I can deploy like a weapon. And last a sort of mother figure who coddled me and cushioned the blows I got in every form. I guess I literally fell down the rabbit hole, huh?
