The Spirit of the Corps » Band of Brothers

75: Waiting to Be Filled In

The shelling that hit while Charlie was sitting with Babe was the worst one yet. The ground shook so hard Charlie was sure it was going to crack right down the middle and drag them all inside it. The sky lit up with flashes so bright she thought it might never go dark again.

There had been a lot of wounded to see to afterwards. Charlie didn't find out about the dead until she'd returned from the aid station.

"Charlie," Mabs said, taking her gently by the elbow and pulling her aside.

Charlie knew instantly that something was wrong. Mabs looked grave and uncertain, and she'd made sure to intercept Charlie before she could talk to anyone else instead of simply waiting for her in their foxhole.

"It's Floyd, isn't it?" Charlie whispered. All of the blood drained out of her face.

"No," Mabs hurried to reassure her. "No, Tab's fine." She pulled lightly on Charlie's arm to get her to meet her eyes. "Charlie," she said, speaking slowly and clearly so as not to be misunderstood, "he's okay. Floyd's fine."

"Who, then?"

Mabs faltered. "Do you wanna sit down?"

"No." Charlie shook her head. She leaned around Mabs to look at the men gathered aboveground, searching for the faces she loved most. She couldn't see Floyd but she trusted that Mabs was telling the truth and that he was okay, probably just in his foxhole, but she noticed Don and George standing together and thought she could see Alton and Shifty a little ways away.

Turning back to Mabs, Charlie's heart began to stumble over its beats. She felt sick.

"Mabs, who is it?"

When Mabs opened her mouth to speak only a puff of white air came out. She closed it again, swallowed hard, and shook her head once. "Skip and Alex." 

Her voice was so quiet Charlie couldn't help but hope she'd misheard. "Who?" she asked.

"Skip and Alex," Mabs said louder. "Charlie, I'm - I'm so sorry."

"No," Charlie said.

Mabs dropped her chin to her chest. "Charlie..."

"No," Charlie repeated. "No, this can't be happening." She clenched her shaky hands into fists and then released them, lifted one to press against her stuttering heart and then to cover her mouth. That same hand took hold of a handful of her hair, overgrown and hanging loose in the braid she'd been putting off retying, and squeezed it so tightly her fingernails bit hard into her palms and drew blood. Her entire arm was shaking as she held on, vibrating beside her face.

"Charlie."

"But they're alive?" Charlie asked in a broken whisper. "Wounded but alive?" But she'd already delivered the wounded to the aid station. But wasn't there a chance..?

"It was a direct hit," Mabs explained gently. "Instant. Painless."

"I was supposed to go and see them last night," Charlie said, the only thing she could think to say. "I was going to go but then I found Babe and he was all alone and he looked so sad so I sat with him instead. And I didn't go to see Skip and Alex because -"

"Charlie, it's okay."

"No, it isn't." Her voice shook in its conviction. "It's not okay because I didn't even get to say goodnight to them last night. And I say goodnight to them every night. And I was going to ask Skip -" One loud sob wrenched its way out of her mouth. She pressed her hand over her mouth again to smother it and sank to her knees in the snow.

She didn't cry. Her tears might have been frozen behind her eyes or they might simply have run out. And though she had her hand pressed to her mouth to keep them from coming out, she didn't have any more sobs left in her, either.