Better This Way

Four

IV. Monique

“So, how are feeling that you finally moved back here?”

We were having a breakfast in Rain’s backyard when Cara dropped the question. His backyard was as wide as a soccer field. Half of it was planted with roses of any kind, color and sizes, half of it was just… well, grass. Then a meter away from the plots was a shed where all of his gardening tools were kept.

We used to hang out in that shed as well.

I knew that they were very curious as to why I moved a state just to study in a different school, particularly in an all-girls school. Don’t get me wrong: I told them that I was moving, because for me it was just a stupid reason. But I got no guts to tell it to them. Of course they were surprised, asking me if I were kidding them, considering I always ask for their opinion before making a decision. I knew that they would be asking for the reasons, but they knew that I wasn’t ready to answer yet.

“It was great. I mean, I’ve missed you guys so much. When I saw you two at the airport to fetch me and you guys were holding banners, I nearly cried. But when I’ve read what was written, I really wanted to smash my baggage in your faces. Damn it Cara, you never changed! You got worse!” I replied while shaking my head.

The words I was pertaining were not suitable for very young audiences.

“Rain asked me – no, more like commanded me to write it, you know. I was in my best behavior at that time. Rain was in the clouds.”

Rain slapped her forehead, “Who wouldn’t? Never in my wildest dreams that Justin would talk to me in person, let alone ask me to do him a favor!”

“But you exaggerated!”

“So? It was worth all the time and effort!”

I was just watching them killing each other with words of kindness.  My mind drifted back to James. I was so damn sure that I knew him, but… where? When? How? Rain said ‘Andrew James,’ and that sounded so familiar. Gosh, my head hurt.

“ – but when I almost grabbed Justin’s ass, you pulled me back! What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me? Huh! You perverted gay! What if he punched you in that beautiful face of yours?” said Cara, her hand held a piece of bread and waving it in the air.

Groaning at the two of them, I looked at my phone and saw that it was almost ten o’clock. I remembered that I should be home anytime soon to help my brother clean the house.

“Hey guys, I have to go. I promised Justin that I would be helping him clean the house. Rain, you in?” I said and stood up and walked to the sink to throw my plates on it.

I ran upstairs to grab my things. As I was about to lift my bag, I heard the door opened and slammed it close.

“Really, Nicky? Don’t lie to me. You seriously don’t remember James?” he asked and his face had nothing but seriousness.

“I… well, he looks familiar to me. Like he’s part of my life but I can’t pinpoint where or when or how. I promise you, Rain. I’m trying to rummage my brain for a clue.”

He sighed, “Girl, Cara and I were so worried of you. When you transferred schools, we thought it was because of him.”

I gaped. What?

“We were friends with him, Nicky… well, you particularly. He’s your first best friend, ever. Then you introduced him to us when we were in ninth grade. But when you transferred school in the middle of our eleventh grade, you left us – especially him – devastated.”

I felt my heart constricted for a moment.

Rain looked at me with concern, “You want me to continue it, dear?”

I just nodded. Words couldn’t express how much I felt. I felt like I was a monster. I didn’t even know the guy but this feeling… damn it.

He took a deep breath before continuing the story, “so… yeah. He shut himself from us except from Johnny. You know Johnny, aye? John Linns?” he asked.

“Uhhmmm, yeah…”

“WHAT?!” I did not hear Cara entered the room until she screeched right in our ears.

“Huh? Why?” I asked.

“You know Johnny but not James?! You’re impossible!”

“I know Johnny very well, Cara. He’s your crush since third grade.”

“Yeah! But – oh,” she stopped herself from talking then pulled Rain with her to a corner and whispered something. I could see Rain was shaking his head in reply to something Cara said.

After a minute or two, they finally walked back to where I was. When they had reached me, they did not talk for another minute and they were just staring at me.

“Uhh, am I missing something here?” I asked hesitantly

“No!” Cara answered immediately. “I mean, not that I know of.”

“Then continue your story! I feel like I’m missing a huge part of my life!” I demanded angrily.

“Yes, well… whenever we sat down on our usual table, he would stand up and get out of the cafeteria and would spend his lunch break outside: sometimes alone, sometimes with Johnny. He also stopped playing football because he thought no one would ever watch him and cheer for him because you were… gone. And there was this time when his sister Anna had interrupted Mr. Miller’s class – can you believe it? Mr. Miller? – Just to ask me where you were. Of course I did not answer her because I didn’t know what to say. You want to know what she said?” he stopped as he was gasping for breath.

“No.” I deadpanned.

“I know. She said, “because that coward of a girl tore my brother’s heart without her noticing it. How could she be so insensitive?” and with that, she walked away. The following day, James stopped attending all of his classes with you –”

“We had the same schedule?”

“ – yeah, and his family was so worried they thought he would commit suicide because of the letter he left on his bed. They looked at his closet to find his clothes were all gone.”

I was feeling guilty. I mean, I don’t even know the guy, but all I wanted to do was to apologize to him, beg for forgiveness, and if I could just take everything back, I would.

“Do something for me, guys.”

“Tell us. If it’s the only thing we could do to help you bring your memories back.”

Memories?

“I mean, we want you to know James more. He’s our friend, and we want him to be you friend too.” Cara said smoothly.

“Okay?” I answered, confused.

“But for now, let’s go back to your house. I miss Justin already! And we’ll talk about You and James later.” Rain said with a dreamy sigh.

Cara threw a pillow right in his face. That shut him up.