'JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.'
In which an angel, a demon, and their adoptive daughter decide to stop Armageddon. Except it's days away, they've lost the antichrist, Heaven and Hell are both breathing down their necks, and th...
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Freddie really hates Gabriel, but then again, don't we all?
***
"Can I help you?" Aziraphale asked with forced politeness.
"I would like to purchase one of your material objects," said Gabriel, an Archangel and the very first obnoxious boss ever created. Freddie tried not to glower at him and risk drawing attention to herself, but it was a challenge. Despite the fact that she had only ever eavesdropped on Gabriel a few times when he came to the bookstore, she had a deep set loathing for him. He was just so smarmy and the way he talked down to her Pops made her blood boil.
"Books," corrected the other Angel, a shorter, stockier individual with a curling smile and eyes as dead as a shark's. Freddie didn't know his name, but she knew she didn't like him one bit.
"Books," Gabriel repeated. "Let us discuss my purchase in a private place, because I'm buying, uh..."
"Pornography?" The other Angel offered.
"Pornography," Gabriel agreed very loudly, and Freddie made a strangled, choking noise at the back of her throat. Several of the other patrons did the same, shooting Gabriel and his associate weird looks as they did so. Aziraphale's already fake smile became even more strained.
Through gritted teeth, Freddie's father said, "Gabriel, come into my back room."
Gabriel followed Aziraphale to the back, while the other Angel turned to address the shoppers. "We humans are extremely easily embarrassed. We must buy our pornography secretively."
As soon as they closed the door, Freddie jumped up from her seat and sped towards the back wall. She snagged a book out of a customer's hands along the way, saying quickly, "need this for a second." Then she sat down in a hard backed wooden chair and pressed her ear to the crack in the door. Some of the customers gave her odd looks, but she didn't care - this was more important, for one, and she also just had little patience for customers in general.
"Humans are so easily fooled," she heard Gabriel say confidently. He made Aziraphale look like a competent undercover operative, and that was saying something.
There was an awkward chuckle. "Yes. Ahem, good job. You fooled them all." Aziraphale was clearly doing his best to keep his annoyance from slipping into his tone.
"You remember Sandalphon?" Gabriel said.
Aziraphale said, "Uh... Sodom and Gomorrah. You were doing a lot of smiting and turning people into salt. Hard to forget."
