When Storm Clouds Hover

37: Izzy - Regret is a punishment

Back at school on Sunday night Izzy soon realised Dom hadn't broken up with Em, because if he had, the entire school would have been humming with the news. She was confused. He'd seemed so sure that things were over between him and Em on Friday night, but something had changed since Em had arrived home.

Had Dom decided he'd missed her after all?

Whatever it was, Izzy felt like hell. Over the weekend her Mum had taken a turn for the worse and the family were uncertain whether Izzy should go back to school. Her Mum had the final veto and decided she should return as planned.

On Monday morning, Izzy held her breath, waiting for the news to break that Dom and Em had broken it off. Nothing happened. She went to her lessons, trying to act cool, later avoiding the common room, so she wouldn't have to see Dom. She'd no idea what she'd say to him. She was miserable. She needed to act as if nothing had happened. The day dragged on and on.

Em hadn't come to school that day. She had to go to a dentist's appointment, but she'd be back soon, and Izzy was getting more and more anxious.

*

Later that evening, Izzy and Zara ducked into the school chapel before dinner. The dipping sun had transformed the typically dull stained-glass windows into intricate brightly coloured panes that looked like comic book strips. The thick stone walls created a silence that calmed Izzy. She was feeling nervous about Em's return to school and what she'd say to her. She needed the advice of a trusted friend.

The girls slid into a pew at the back of the chapel, so they would know if someone else entered.

'I'm warning you, Isabella, if you tell her about you and Dom, it is over!' Zara said emphatically. Izzy glanced at her friend uncertainly.

'...and I don't mean for her and him,' Zara clarified. 'I mean your friendship with Em.'

Though she understood what Zara was saying and half agreed with her, Izzy was conflicted.

Wasn't honesty always the best policy?

'What if she finds out on her own, and I haven't been the person to tell her. Would that not be worse?'

Zara shook her head quickly. 'No one at that club would be stupid enough to tell her. Trust me. We all care about you guys. This is not something to mess with.'

Zara turned in her pew towards Izzy.

'But I feel so guilty about it,' Izzy dropped her head onto the pew in front of her. 'I don't know if I can just pretend it never happened.'

'Don't do it, girl!' Zara reiterated, rubbing Izzy on her back, and hugging her shoulders. 'Your friendship is gone for good if you do. She'll never forgive you.'

Zara was always honest, sometimes brutally so.

'Maybe,' Izzy said, unconvinced.

'In case it hadn't occurred to you,' Zara said. 'It'll push the two of them back closer together than before. You'll be the one burned. Not him. Not her!'

Izzy swiveled her head to look at her friend. Zara had such an open face. 'You don't know that for certain,' she said. 'I haven't spoken to Dom since Friday but I'm pretty sure they're done.'

'Iz, wake up!' Zara's brown eyes pleaded. 'If it was over with them, why wouldn't he tell her it was over? You didn't see them, they were all over each other on Saturday. Think about it... this is the first day she got home. He'd been with you only twenty-four hours earlier!'

Izzy found this hard to hear. It had surprised her that Dom would pick things up with Em, just as they'd left off before the holidays. It didn't add up with what he'd said to her.

'Maybe he didn't want to have such a harsh conversation with her on her first day back, Zara. Think about it,' Izzy said, 'that would suck! You're just back from the holidays, and your boyfriend dumps you. He could just be being mindful of her feelings.'

'Iz, you're making excuses for him. And I don't think there are any.'

'Did he sleep with her?' Izzy asked, afraid to know the answer. She sat up rubbing her knees.

'No, I don't think so,' said Zara, 'she had to go home early – y'know her ridiculous curfew.'

Izzy was relieved somehow, but she'd wanted more from Dom. Though she hadn't fully formed the thought in her mind before now, she realised that secretly she'd hoped he'd end it with Em.

'And the nerve of the guy,' continued Zara. 'As soon as Em had left the club, he asked me where you were. He was expecting you to come out on Saturday night after the Polo.'

'You didn't tell me that?' said Izzy, feeling confused.

'No, Iz, I didn't because I don't want to see you hurt. He was with her most of the day. Do you really want to be an afterthought? You've got enough going on in your life without this.'

'What exactly did he say?' asked Izzy.

Zara seemed reluctant to talk about it, but she explained: 'We were outside the club talking about how lucky you were that you lived so close, that you could just stumble home,' she said. 'When he realised how nearby you were, he asked Cole and me to walk with him to your house. I warned him you'd all be in bed, but he made us go with him anyway. We were all a bit drunk.'

Izzy was surprised. 'You guys were at my house on Saturday night?'

'Yeah, at the gate,' said Zara. 'Dom wanted to wake the household, but then he said something about your Mum being sick, and he didn't want to disturb you all. We just walked away, not saying much. It was weird.'

Izzy rolled her eyes. 'Great, so he knows about Mum's cancer?' she said, feeling displeased with Zara. She'd asked her friends not to tell any of the boys at school.

'Yeah, he knows,' Zara responded looking sheepish. 'I'm sorry, Iz.' Zara touched her hand briefly. 'I don't know why you wouldn't tell him yourself. It's a big deal,' she said softly. 'You can't just act like nothing is happening in your life. You've got to face this.'

Izzy scrunched her face and pressed her fingers against her eyelids. 'I know you think you're helping,' she shook her head at Zara, 'but I don't need Dom feeling sorry for me, for goodness' sake, along with all of you lot. It's one of the things I like about spending time with him. I can forget about everything. We have fun, y'know.'

'Izzy, you're having fun with someone else's boyfriend. Em's boyfriend, and that's just not you.' Zara said softly but firmly. 'We're all worried about you.'

Izzy sighed. Taking a deep breath, she said. 'Thanks for the advice. I'm going to tell her what happened anyway. She needs to know.'

'That's your choice,' said Zara, 'but don't do it expecting anything from him. Right now, he wants you because he can't have you. You can't give people like that everything they want.'

Izzy looked at Zara, astounded. She had wanted honesty, but Zara was being cruel.

'People like what?'

'You know what I'm talking about, Iz. He's a dick. Yes, he's good-looking, I get it. But seriously, you can only be so much of an asshole. Now, he's messing with both Em and you.'

Izzy recalled conversations she'd had with Zara in the past about how Dom treated Em. He hadn't been a great boyfriend to her. Zara was right there.

'I don't feel like that when I'm with him,' Izzy said.

Zara shook her head. 'Honey, you're so naive,' she said. 'Em gives him everything. There is not a thing she won't do for him. Trust me, guys like that, need that kind of validation. You're not the type of person to put up with his shit. It would never work with you two anyway, and you will lose a friend.'

Izzy gave Zara a quick hug. 'I'm going to tell her,' she said decisively. 'This is about Em and me, not him.'

Zara laughed. 'So, you heard nothing I said?'

'Nothing at all.' Izzy smiled wryly.

'You're on a suicide mission,' Zara said, finally conceding defeat.

'Thanks for being here for me,' Izzy responded.

'Always.'