Fantasia

XXIV

September, twelve years ago

"Shit! Shit! Shit!!!!"
Eddy had never seen Brett like this. Pacing up and down the hallway in a manner Eddy was sure he'd dig a path into the floor sooner or later, his black hair ruffled, his eyes wild. Not even when Brett broke the news to his parents that he wasn't going to study medicine or law or economics he'd been this nervous.
"You got this!", Eddy tried to pep talk, even though he found he sucked at it, "You're good! You've prepared your ass off! And they can't say no to your Pag 24! No way. Your left hand pizz mate! It's just too awesome!"
"But my Kreutzer sucks!" Brett's hand brushed through his hair for the thousandth time, "It's never in tune! And my high notes..."
"Brett!" With long strides, Eddy quickly walked over to his great friend, laid both hands on Brett's shoulder and looked straight into his dark eyes.
"You're going to nail this! Your level is high above what's required to get in and you know that! Pag 24 for an entrance audition? I bet my violin no one's playing something that difficult!"
Brett was quiet, but the storm in his eyes was still there, still all consuming, threatening to drag Eddy down with him. So he said, "Breathe, Bretty, breathe! You're gonna be fine. Believe me!"
Brett's eyelids fluttered shut and he breathed in deeply. Once, twice, thrice. Eddy thanked the heavens when he noticed Brett's pulse slowing down.
"Better?", he asked after a short while, his hands still very firm on the smaller.
Brett opened his eyes again. The storm was gone, instead there was the same determination Eddy'd witnessed when Brett had declared he was going to fight for his future. For what he loved to do.
"Yes! Better! Thank you. For doing this."
"No worries! You'd do the same!"
Brett smiled. "And I will."
Eddy shook his head when he felt a pang in his stomach region. "You won't have to", he whispered, but before Brett could say anything to this, the door to the recital hall opened.

"Brett Yang?", a middle aged lady with a clipboard called.
"Yes, that's me!" Brett picked up his violin and bow, which he'd placed on the chair originally dedicated for him and looked back at Eddy one last time.
"Good luck! You got this!"
Brett smiled, nodded and followed the lady through the door.

Listeners were not allowed during auditions, of course. So Eddy pressed his right ear against the door, hoping he'd hear a glimpse of his best friend's genius playing. Damn those recital halls for being soundproof! Luckily, there was no one around to witness Eddy's futile attempt. Brett's surname being Yang meant that he was the last to audition for the conservatory this year.

Brett's parents had reacted okay to their son's revelation of his future plans. More okay than Brett had hoped for, actually. They had seen their son working harder for improving his playing than for anything else, so it had been no surprise, really.
They believed Brett could succeed. They believed he could make a living out of his choice. They believed in him.

There was no way Eddy's parents would. That's why Eddy being in Brett's stead next year, freaking out in the hallway outside the audition hall and playing in front of the con professors could only be a faint vision Eddy didn't even dare, didn't allow himself to dream of.

Even though Eddy knew deep down, that this was the one thing he wanted. More than anything else.

But there was no way. In no parallel universe ever. And Eddy was too chicken to "fight" for it, like Brett had put it.

The door to the audition hall burst open and Eddy just so managed to stagger back without being hit in his face. There he was! Brett with flushed cheeks and glistening eyes, appearing in front of him.
"How did it go?", Eddy asked, louder than intended.
Brett's grin said everything.
"This well, huh", Eddy stated, the corners of his mouth matching Brett's in split seconds.
"I think! I mean, my Kreutzer still sucked, but less than I thought it would, and I think the Pag and Bach's Andante went okay."
The slap Eddy placed on Brett's shoulder reverberated through the hallway, as well as their laughs.
"Way to go, mate!!! I told you you'd rock!"
"Yeah, man! Thanks for believing in me!"
"Always!", Eddy smiled, and he really meant it.
"Alright! Let's pack up! Bubble tea's on me!", Brett exclaimed happily and looked like a ton of weight had left his shoulders. He put his violin and bow in it's case, closed it with a loud clasp and swung it over his shoulder.
"Gonna get a large one then!", Eddy declared and followed his friend out of the conservatory into the late winter air.

"Did they say anything?"
"Nah. You know how it is. They just give you a small 'Thank you for coming' and send you on the way. I'll get a letter next week."
"Call me when you receive it?"
"'Course!"
They went to their usual bubble tea place where they had the crazy one liter cup which Eddy ordered straight away. Brett followed suite and together, they sat down at their usual spot by the window.
"How do you feel?", Eddy wanted to know. Brett looked more relaxed and free than he had in weeks. Even the eyebags seemed to have vanished magically.
"So glad it's over! But it was great at the same time kinda. You know... performing for them, even when they're not my audience and just there to judge me."
"You're crazy", Eddy stated, shook his head and took a long sip of his favourite beverage. Trust Brett to find joy even in the most gruesome circumstances. "And what are you going to do with your new found freedom?"
Brett grinned at him. "Play smash with you?"
"Oh, I'm down! Count me in! After I've practiced my Prok though. Competition's next month. I'm dying out of nervousness already. I can't imagine enjoying this like you just did!"
"You will! As soon as you're in the flow and immersed in your playing, you will."
"Not so sure. I don't think I can even enter this headspace under such high-pressure."

And that's exactly why Brett was made for sharing his art, made for sharing the love for classical music. And Eddy wasn't. Eddy wasn't even brave enough to confront or even ask his parents what they would think about him following in his best friend's footstep.

But the smile Brett shot him was so comforting it chased all those negative thoughts away. At least for the moment. It was the kind of smile which emitted so much certainty that Eddy felt he could do anything just because Brett believed in him.
"I believe in you!", Brett mirrored Eddy's impression and Eddy was pretty sure his face was lighting up like a Christmas tree.
"You'll rock! You still have a lot of time to practice and you sound great already."
"Don't you mean I'll - classical music?", Eddy threw in and their table errupted in long oh's and pearls of laughter.

Thank God he had Brett by his side, bringing sunshine into his life and even allowing him to dream bigger than he ever would by himself. Who knows? Maybe Eddy would, indeed, rock. And not only his next competition.