Fantasia

XLI

This time, Eddy didn't wake up before the well from where his tears came from ran dry and the sobs slightly ebbed away and turned into quiet sniffles, muted by Brett's reddish shirt. Brett didn't say a word the entire time. He just held him, rocked back and forth a bit and stroked the taller's trembling back once in a while.
Eddy was pretty positive this was the most comforting hug he'd ever been in.

"I'm sorry, Brett...", he mumbled while clenching Brett's clothing like his life depended on it, more subconsciously than anything else.
Another one of those soothing strokes before Brett asked softly, "What for?"
"For losing my shit again and smearing my snot all over you."
"I kinda provoked that, so it's the least I can do."
Eddy half sobbed half chuckled upon hearing Brett's comment.
"Provoked? You just said outloud what's true anyway."
"... So, it is true..."

It took another few seconds before Eddy nodded. "You hit a mark there. You weren't sure?"
"I knew you wanted to go to the con, but maybe what you went to study instead was part of your plan too. Who knows, right? It didn't sound like it though, when you talked about it..."
"Nah. I mean... it's not a bad job or anything and my studies where okay. But..."
Brett let go of him, just so he could lay his big eyes on him, studying Eddy intently. "Yeah?"
"... I guess I've been unhappy for a long time. From the start, probably", Eddy admitted, to Brett, but mostly to himself. He'd suspected it deep down but it had become normal, going to the office, having to deal with the immense pressure everyday, working way too hard for something..., yeah, for what really?
"But it was the 'right thing to do'. At least for my mum. And that was the most important thing back then."
"I get that." Brett's voice was a mere whisper.
"I didn't even think of 'more', like you said. I just thought that's it. That's what I get in life. I've learnt that being selfish doesn't result in good things, so I discarded that."
"Doing what you want to do... that's selfish then?"
"I don't know, Brett... for me, it seemed like it was. My mum collapsed because I was selfish, maybe for the first time in my life."
"Dude", Brett exclaimed much louder than when he was talking before, "You do know that persuing your goals in life isn't selfish, right? It's simply... living!" He threw his hands up in the air at the last word.
Eddy chuckled and wiped at the last tears on his face. "I know, I know. It sounds stupid to even doubt that, right? And for you, it had always been crystal clear. Since we were younger. But not for me. I wasn't brought up this way."
Brett's features showed determination when he asked, "How's your mum now?"
"...Good, why?", Eddy said, surprised.
"It's never too late you know, to follow your heart!"

In the silence that followed Eddy tried to process what Brett had just stated, the implication of it. Was Brett right? Did Eddy still have a chance, after he'd blown it for his younger self?
"I mean, even if your mum's not better, it'd still be very okay to do what you want. But it might be easier for you if she's alright overall, so you can focus on yourself."
Eddy glanced at Brett, as the other continued, "You do know you're not responsible for your mum's happiness, right?"
Yeah, Eddy knew. He'd known back then. Theoretically at least. But his heart, it wasn't so sure.

He sighed heavily.
"It all sounds so right. What you say. But it's not that easy..."
"I know it's not. But do you really wanna live the rest of your life like this? Longing for something you can't have just because you think it makes your mum happy?"
Longing for it to a degree that his dreams felt so real Eddy had a hard time to tell what was happening in the actual world and what not. Yeah, did he really want that?
"Look, the only one who's happiness and life your responsible for, is yours", Brett repeated almost the same words he'd said more than a decade ago. It was like a déjà-vu, so much so that Eddy had to laugh, startling Brett a bit.
"You've said that before", Eddy explained when he'd noticed Brett's demeanor.
"Oh, did I?"
"Mhm."
"Well, I reckon I was right back then and still am!" Brett puffed up his chest which made Eddy chuckle even more. Brett's smile that followed after was a soft one though.
"Good."
"Hmm?", Eddy still sniggered.
"You're smiling again. That's real good."
And there was another déjà-vu moment. Brett making sure Eddy was okay, always.

Eddy shook his head in slight disbelieve and awe.
"What?", was Brett's turn to ask.
"Nothing... just..."
"...Yeah?"
"You're amazing, you know that?", Eddy blatantly blurted out.
"What?", Brett laughed, "Where is that coming from?"
Instead of replying, Eddy simply asked. "Can I hug you?"
Brett's eyes widened and his eyebrows hit his black fringe. Eddy didn't wait for an answer. He leaned forward and enveloped Brett in a tight embrace, thinking to himself,

This time, Brett, this time, I'm not gonna let you go!