Dealing Devil (Jensoo)

Risking Everything 🔞

"I'm giving you until next Friday."

"Please...give me an answer. I can't...I can't stay like this. Stuck between wanting you and trying to stay away from you. It's hard....because no matter how hard I try....I can't get you out of my head."

I sighed and covered my face as I laid down in my bed.

It's been 3 days since Jisoo told me that.

I think I'm going through the 5 stages of grief.

There was the denial from the moment she told me about her deal.

There was the stage of anger when I practically ignored her and refused to see her.

The bargaining stage happened when I rewrote our contract and added that I had to ask for the 7 nights.

I think I'm in the depression/confused stage because I have no idea how to handle what I'm feeling.

Why do I feel more for her than just lust?

I feel jealous when she touches or even looks at other girls.

I want to hold her hand.

I want to understand the pain of her past.

I want to know why her eyes constantly change from black to brown.

I want to be there for her.

I want her.

I sat up in bed.

I pressed my back against the headboard and pulled my knees to my chest.

I rocked back and forth. "Do I want her? If I do then...am I finally ready for what comes after?"

Terrible memories of what happened that night filled me.

The van. The...toys. Touches that still make my stomach lurch in fear.

I hid my face in my arms.

I swallowed and let out a shaky breath. I can't...I don't think I can do it.

Jisoo's face filled with desire and her smiling face. Her humane brown eyes filled my mind.

Everything in me was warring between going for Jisoo while fighting my fears and hiding from my feelings so that nothing can happen to me.

Again.

I just....don't think I have the courage

But I was going to try.

There it is...the final stage:

Acceptance.

••••••••••

On Friday, no box came but a letter did.

And all it said was: "You're invited."

I changed in jeans and a T-shirt. I grabbed my keys, about to go out the door, when I realized that I didn't know the address.

I went back and to the note. I opened it and the "You're invited" stared back at me in it's neat cursive.

I checked the back but there was still nothing there.

I raised an eyebrow. Does it need a password?

"Jisoo."

Nothing happened.

"Jennie Kim. Kim Jennie."

Still nothing.

I groaned. I finally made up my mind and I don't know how to get there!