SPOTLIGHT

Chapter 46 | defeated by it

Y/n pov

It's the second day and I'm more awake and could think now.. i decided to give a heads up to colin and rose's dad about what happened for them to handle the kids first..

I went home to take a bath and take my meds...i never left this devastated my entire life...i got abandoned.. i was robbed to have a childhood...i experienced being overly sexualized.. but this is different.. just the idea of her.. not waking up scares every bone in my body

"It's ok.... she's gonna be ok.. everything.. will be ok" i closed my eyes taking a deep breath

"None of this would have happened if it wasn't for you dummy" the voice in my head stated still not leaving me alone

"aren't you tired? " I sigh

" You just keep on going in my head talking shit.. but what can you do? You're nothing if i don't listen to you" i added talking to myself while sitting at my bed resting my back at the wall

"if you didn't took her in this country.. she's probably at home playing with her kids...where is now? Oh she's dying--"

" SHUT UP!!! " I banged the back of my head on the wall not wanting anymore of this shit...

" Hmmm.. i see... Hurting yourself again..it feels like home.. isn't? Do it.. that's what makes you.. you. A broken soul with no one to hang on..what a shame" he started laughing while i took a deep breath feeling the pain on the back of my head.

" Do it again.. hurt yourself..punish yourself for how stupid and dumb you are..for how....you killed the only person who care about you...." He chuckled wickedly Making me just hug my knees covering my ears on how loud it was..

I got enough and just stood up going straight to my medicine cabinet trying to open my medicine.. my hands shaking aggressively as i catch my own breath..

As soon as i opened it i quickly took it drinking the water on my nightstand...It takes minutes to start..and so i needed to calm myself down for a while

Putting back the medicines...my eyes were caught by a brow razor...."your old friend...he will make you feel better.." something whispered to me again..

I reached for it.. completely just wanting to slide it on my skin.. and.. feel something.. physically hurt myself to distract me from the overwhelming emotional pain I'm having..

"D-Dont do it.." i begged myself just staring at this blade.

"Listen to me...i know what's the best for us..THIS IS the only thing that would make us feel better.." the voice in my head begged..

"N-No... No.. S-Scarlett will be disappointed at me.. i-i promised her i wouldn't do it again" i swallowed thickly droppings it on the floor as i tried going downstairs my vision rotating and getting blurry again...

"HURT YOURSELF!! YOU DESERVE IT!! YOU KILLED HER!!" It shouted furiously as i gripped my ears dropping on the floor trying so hard to just get it to shut up

"STOP IT!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!" i sobbed hiding my face on my knees.. "m-make it stop. Make it stop.. MAKE IT STOP!!" i shouted still being hunted as they started walking towards me looking down leaning closer..

"Y/N!!!" Someone suddenly shouted snapping me out of it..

I looked up seeing hailee holding my shoulders looking so worried "h-hai?" I catched my breath feeling tears running down my cheeks as she pulled me on a tight hug

"I heard the news.." she swallowed thickly rubbing my back.

"I-I... I p-put her life in d-danger" i shaked my head while she cupped my cheeks facing me to look at her directly in the eyes

"No...you didn't..you didn't do anything.. it's not your fault.. do you hear me??" She huffed

"B-But i--"

"NO... Y/n listen...not because something bad happened near you doesn't mean it's always your fault. I know you're worried.. i know you're overwhelmed.. i know theres a lot going in your head right now...but Scarlett needs you..she needs y/n right now..do you get me? " She softly asked fully getting my focus as i give her a nod

" Im sorry i wasn't there before...you didn't had anyone to cry on.. I'm sorry..but you know you're like a sister to me.. everything will go back to normal as if nothing bad ever happened...d-dont hurt yourself ok? " She sighs caressing my cheek as i watched tears falling from her eyes

"i-if i d-didnt brought her h-here.. s-she--"

"No... S-Stop.. please.."she shookt her head looking away

"What if...s-she doesn't w-wake u--"

" She will... You know why? Because she knows you need her.. she knows you'll hurt yourself.. and i know Scarlett doesn't like you doing that... But as of now that she can't stop you.. do it yourself... take care of yourself. "

She pulled me on a hug caressing the back of my head Before stopping herself " what did you do?? " She huffed gently looking for the bump i had because of hitting my head on the wall..

I was just zoned out looking from afar thinking about Scarlett.. i took the. Medicines thinking the voices would stop but he just kept going and going about how stupid and dumb i was.. how if Scarlett died it was me who killed her.

"you're such a burden. After putting Scarlett's life in danger you're here being taked cared of as if you deserve it. What a useless dummy you are" he stated as hailee put ice pack on the back of my head

"Is it still talking to you?" Hailee sigh but i stayed quiet.

"Your mom was right....you really did deserve to get abandoned. Can't wait for Scarlett to either die or wake up realizing you're a danger... because You. Are."

" What would you tell rose now? Oh i was such a dick that i let your mom chase me to sweden and took her in this country where she might die because I'm stupid and i never think" it added feeding me up with insults and things to overthink with.

"You are a terrible person, you put everyone around you in danger.. you are a waste of time.. you were never worth it for any love y/n... you're worthless..you never get anything right..all you do is harm... no one will ever love you.. someone did.. but look what have you done." It murmur for the last time..