the first one • j. hughes

29

"Shit," Cole says, looking down at his leg and the s'more he just bounced off of it onto the ground. He sighs that sigh you do when something stupid but not horrific happens while standing up. "I'm gonna go shower."

Jack and I are the only ones left once Cole's inside. He's smiling at me from across the fire. Cole and Luke both called triple dibs on sitting next to me. Well, Luke has permanent dibs on it and Cole got lucky. Which left the other boys to fill the other half of the circle of chairs.

It's no surprise when Jack—who was the main protest in Cole's dibs—gets up and takes his now empty chair. Not before scooting it closer to mine, though. He's still smiling at me when I glance away from the fire.

"Feels like we haven't been alone in a while," he says.

I shrug and ignore the fact I can feel his shoulder against mine. "Luke's getting clingy since I have to go back to school so soon."

"That's all it is?" He asks.

"That's all it is," I lie.

The truth is too hard to say. The truth being that the majority ruling is I should try for Jack. The truth being that Holly's thing about it affecting everyone was right. The truth being that I shouldn't put everyone else ahead of me. The truth being that I don't know if I can't.

"He's not clinging right now, though," Jack says.

Jokingly, I look around. "Would you look at that, he's not."

My mind wanders out to the empty yard I looked around. That's the only reason my eyes can look Jack in the eyes. See the way his eyes are so gentle on me. The way he has a perfect smile on his face. The shadows dancing over his face with the fire.

"You got—" He stops himself, opting to reach over and swipe a thumb at the corner of my mouth. If I turned my head, I could kiss the pad of it. Would that be greedy? "Bit of chocolate."

Heat rushes to my cheeks. "Oh my god. That's embarrassing."

"Why would that be embarrassing?" He asks.

"I don't know."

A slight furrow of his eyebrows gives him away entirely. "You never have to be embarrassed around me."

"You—" I take in a shaky breath.

"I know," he says.

Again, my mind is away from me. That's why I lean toward him. My fingers tap rapidly on my lap. They're restless. I'm restless. Why can't some things change? Why do I have to show everything?

Jack shifts in his seat. His face ends up closer to mine. I can reach up and touch his face. So easily. It'd be criminal for me not to, I think. So I do it. My fingers land on his cheek hesitantly. Barely touching him until he puts his hand over mine and securely makes sure my skin's on his.

It feels silly. It feels like we're teenagers testing the waters. Neither of us knows what we're doing when we actually do. It's as if us being alone right here, right now erases both of our pasts and we have to redo it all together instead.

"You're..." His whisper teeters off.

"I know."

Jack's eyes dart down to my lips and back to my eyes. "Can I?"

It'll feel so good. It'll feel great. I nod and instantly any gentleness of the situation is gone. The kiss is hungry. It's desperate to make up for every single time we've missed the chance to do this very thing. It's everything. It feels like I've done this before even though I haven't. Some deep muscle memory that I have no clue how I got.

He pulls back too soon. His smile is perfect. The way he's looking at me as if he can't believe I'm real is perfect. That kiss was so perfect. Jack must think so too because he leans in again and peppers quick kisses to my lips, somehow whispering out "Thank you." between a few of them.

With a laugh, I lean away. "That was everything."

"Can we—" He pauses. "Let me take you on a date."

Reality comes at me full speed like a train barreling down the tracks. Even just kissing Jack put me in front of whatever anyone else was thinking, right? But dating is a whole other thing. There's a probability of that failing epically. After that kiss, I don't think I can stomach even a slight probability of losing him in any way, shape, or form.

"That was everything but let me think about it," I say quietly. "That was everything but everything is a hell of a lot to process."

His face falters. "You leave the day after tomorrow."

"I know."

"That's not much time."

I struggle out a shrug. "So maybe it'll have to be when you're back in Jersey."

"Promise?" He holds out his pinkie. "Best promise ever?"

"Promise what? That I'll have an answer?" I ask.

"Yeah."

I lock my pinkie with his. Both of us know what we do next. We lean to kiss the sides of our fists but Jack pulls them down and instead, our lips meet. Hate to say it, but that was pretty smooth. The butterflies in my stomach seem to agree.