ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴅʀᴀᴛᴛᴇᴅ ʟɪʟᴀ ʜᴏʟᴍᴇꜱ || ᴅʀᴀᴄᴏ ᴍᴀʟꜰᴏʏ x ᴏᴄ || ʏᴇᴀʀꜱ 1-3

love and sacrifices

a/n: long, very juicy chapter ahead!

"What on earth are you crying for?"

"Sorry to be snappy, Professor, but I just watched my mother's casket be lowered into the ground for the third time tonight," I rubbed the wetness from my cheeks furiously. "Reasonably, I think it's safe to assume I have some guilt about that."

"Think about how easily a Dementor could incapacitate you, then," Professor Snape frowned. "This isn't meant to be a punishment. You must clear your mind and your emotions!"

"You make it sound so easy," I huffed, cold anger starting to take over. "Have you ever felt responsible for somebody's death, Professor?"

I wasn't sure exactly what happened then — there was a sharp pang in my head and my chest, and then suddenly I wasn't there anymore. It was nighttime — I was in the Astronomy tower.

A younger, much more gangly looking Snape was there. And so was my mother — now a teenager (maybe sixteen?). She wore her hair in two braids plaited over her shoulder, but she was dressed in pajamas like she'd just gotten out of bed. She looked livid. Snape looked afraid, but like he was ready to strike.

"I'm not sure why you brought me here. It's Potter you should be talking to."

"Oh, I've had my word with James." Emilie said coolly. "You're pathetic, the both of you. He's a conceited asshole, and you're not that much different. If you really loved her, you'd come out from behind your classist arse and act like it."

This nearly made me stagger backward. If you really loved her. What exactly had I walked into?!

Snape set his jaw. "That's just how things are."

"Only cowards are content to leave things the way they are!" Emilie snapped, and I realized distantly that I'd said the same thing to Malfoy. "I disliked you from the start, you know. But I listened to Lily, because between the both of us she's always had the better judgement." She frowned. "This time, I should have listened to Sirius about you."

Sirius? Like Sirius Black? It must have been — how many other wizards are named Sirius?

This seemed to infuriate Snape more than anything she'd said before. "You might wear those colors, but neither of you are any better than the rest of us."

My stomach twisted — he knew. Emilie reached for her wand, and Snape did the same.

"I should obliviate you now." She threatened, eyes hot and cold at once. "Was that your plan this whole time? Pretend to help so you could delve into my mind and unveil my secrets to your little friends? Or Voldemort himself? You slimy bastard!"

"You didn't have another choice! You were suffering more and more every day, you couldn't even come to class. Lily was so worried about you." Snape threw his hands up in exasperation. "True, I only helped you because I love her, but don't think I haven't made sacrifices either."

"You're one to grovel about sacrifices." Emilie said harshly. "You and James fight over her like she's property, like she's something to be owned. Neither of you even know her." She glared, cold and hard. "Neither of you have any idea what it's like, to love someone that much."

The scene switched. I was in a familiar house, and thunder boomed outside. I heard a baby crying, then a man sobbing, and nothing else. It was all so still.

Then, from the door:

"Severus?"

My mother was there again, now the closest to the pictures of her in my house that I'd seen. She looked tired, and the sight before her had taken the light out of her eyes.