ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴅʀᴀᴛᴛᴇᴅ ʟɪʟᴀ ʜᴏʟᴍᴇꜱ || ᴅʀᴀᴄᴏ ᴍᴀʟꜰᴏʏ x ᴏᴄ || ʏᴇᴀʀꜱ 1-3

old secrets renewed

a/n: sorry for the hiatus! got caught up at school. also for context, i changed emilie's death day to three years after lila was born (though the same day) because otherwise the last chapter doesn't make any sense LOL. she still doesn't remember much so it doesn't really change anything.

When I woke up, I felt so disoriented it was a struggle to even lift my head. Tears streamed down my face, and my pillowcase was soaked like they had been for a long time now.

"Hermione?" I croaked softly.

"Lila," Hermione's voice appeared just outside my canopy. "Are you alright? I heard crying, but—"

"I'm alright," I told her. "But maybe tell Hagrid I won't be in class today. I'll come talk to him later, when I'm feeling better."

Hermione was quiet for some time. "What about Divination?"

"Trelawney doesn't care." I grumbled. "I think I predicted I'd be sick next class so I could sleep in anyway."

"Oh, Lila," Hermione sighed. "I'll bring you breakfast, alright?"

I wasn't sure I could keep anything down, but I hummed my agreement. I fell asleep again, dreamlessly this time, and woke up to fruit and several muffins beside Brutus' new terrarium on my nightstand.

I ate slowly, letting my dream come back to me. I scribbled a few things into my journal, hoping that getting them out of my head might help the pain recede.

My mother was in love with Harry's. Yet another romantic tragedy on my mother's side of the family. She wouldn't go to James and Lily's wedding, then they both died, and eventually she married my father. Did she love him? I wasn't sure if I'd ever know.

Emilie and Lily were known to be very good friends. Dumbledore had told me last year. Lily especially had been heartbroken when she disappeared. Had she loved Emilie too?

Even as I wrote her name, I realized how similar it was to my own. Lily. Lila. I felt my heart seize again in my chest.

Sirius Black was good friends with my mother — enough to keep some sort of secret for her. Did he know where she was when she went into hiding?

"You're not supposed to be here," he'd said. That made sense. She'd trusted him with her life — had she trusted him with her heritage? If he'd really been working for Voldemort, he'd have told him about her, right?

Snape knew about her heritage. Maybe he found out while he was trying to help her with Occlumency. He'd kept her secret too. He'd also been in love with Lily.

Furthermore, Sirius was Harry's godfather? That's just how close James and Sirius must have been, then. Why would Sirius go after Harry? Had he truly just gone mad in Azkaban? Anyone would after spending all that time with Dementors.

But he said he had a "slimy, rat-faced traitor" to track down. I also remembered him apologizing to Harry, but at the time I'd thought it was just for losing his parents. Maybe he'd done something — told somebody something he shouldn't have.

Maybe it had been Snape. After all, my mother had accused him of working with Voldemort. He'd apologized to her too, and Black didn't trust him.

Maybe there was just more to this than I could divulge at the moment, so I took a break.

A break turned into a long nap. I didn't end up going to class the next day either. Knowing it was Double Potions, I figured Snape would recognize what was wrong.

I went to classes on Friday since my head had finally stopped spinning with thoughts. Deciding I'd tested my luck enough by skipping on Thursday, I still went to detention. I realized I'd kind of missed Malfoy, and I knew he wouldn't look at me in the pitying way all my friends had been recently.