Project Athena | Reviews

The Mechanical Muse (Roses)

Author: FranklinBarnes

Reviewer: Rain_dropsand_roses

Genre: Literary Fiction

Your story is certainly interesting and I will ramble more than usual in this, because it's the only way for me to express my exact thoughts as I was reading. I must admit that not many people write literary fiction, and even fewer ask to have it reviewed. While your story is not bad per se, it may not appeal to all readers, especially since literary fiction is not a widely popular genre on this site. Additionally, by the time a reader comes across your work, they likely already have a preference for certain types of stories or characters, and they may not be willing to venture outside their comfort zone.

Your story touches on a vital aspect of the current world: the rising impact of artificial intelligence on our lives. There are many exciting directions you could have taken this story if you are to start out on this theme alone. However you chose a college setting, with the premise of the first few chapters being your protagonist Chris, using Project Narcissus to get a date. This is where my first issue arises. As an avid reader of science fiction, I find the idea of AGI in a story exciting, not only because we are miles away from that in the real world, but also because the capabilities of such a system would be limitless. I was disappointed to find that it was being used to create a dating profile, which is the equivalent of using a nuke to take out a cockroach. If I had come across your book as a regular reader, I might not have read past that point. Although there may be a more serious premise in later chapters, a reader would not know that, and they may assume the entire story is the same.

I also feel that you tried to appeal to a particular demographic with your characters and setting, but this was not executed correctly. You focused on Chris, who is not a compelling main character. I assume you meant for him to be flat and uninteresting by design, in contrast to the fake persona projected by Project Narcissus. However, even when he has to be that fake person, like during the date with Cassandra, he remains the same. He does not act like the guy in the generated photos, nor does he take extra steps to make it seem like he is the guy in the photos. Even his actions and dialogue throughout the date are not much different from what the normal Chris would say. In fact, I am surprised that Cassandra does not realize that none of it was real, given how intelligent she seems. Unless she is keeping it to herself for the time being, it seems like her character was dumbed down for the plot. It is also odd that someone like her would be on a dating app as she herself mentioned, and even more so that she would be attracted to the kind of person Chris is shown as on his dating profile. In the end, you have a character with no clear personality, seemingly tailored to be the kind of girl Chris would like and vice versa. Although these are two characters that I am sure would have liked each other if they had met in a more natural way, such as by bumping into each other or bonding over a shared interest like reading. The entire dating app subplot seems unnecessary from this point of view.

As for the other characters in the story, I am curious about how Valdez got his hands on Project Narcissus and what he uses it for. You depict him as a stark opposite to Chris, being good at the things his friend struggles with, specifically the social side of things. Lucy, the other character, has the same problems as Chris, and Valdez helps them both. However, I feel that you did not do much with Lucy. Just like Chris, she is bland and talks very little, only showing up from time to time with Valdez. At times, I feel like your characterization stops at telling us the character's major, and that is about it. You do this for every character on their first introduction, and then that is as much as we know about them. Valdez is the only character who seems realistic so far, but that is mostly in the way he talks and interacts with the others. Perhaps the lack of authenticity in everything touched by Project Narcissus was intentional, but some readers may not realize this and may think that the writing is lacking.

Overall, I believe that you have a great idea for your story and ask challenging questions about the impact of AI. At times, it seems like your personal thoughts seep through, which is okay, but it may limit your vision for where you want your story to go. The underlying idea of Project Narcissus is vague, and we do not know who made this AGI or who has the facilities to develop such technology. If the university itself funded this project, it is unclear why it is being given to students with potentially unchecked supervision. Although Dr. Pineda says that it is all about the morality of the user, this makes her a terrible choice of person to be in charge of such a project, as she seems to have no control over how it is being used.

To improve your story, I suggest focusing on the underlying theme of the impact of AI, but with higher stakes. Specifically, you could consider removing the dating app subplot. Something like Chris cheating on his exams and tests would have a greater impact than the current dating app subplot. You could also develop your characters more fully, giving them more personality and depth. Additionally, you could provide more details about the world in which your story is set, including how Project Narcissus came to be and who has access to it.

In terms of your writing style, I appreciate your use of descriptive language, but I think you could benefit from using more vivid descriptions and details to help immerse the reader in the story, specifically in regard to characters. Your grammar is perfect, that's rare to find, so props to you on that.

In conclusion, your story has potential, but there are some issues with the execution. I would rate it 3 out of 5 stars. I would recommend it to readers who enjoy literary fiction and are interested in exploring complex social issues and philosophical ideas, as seen from the perspective of college students.